So you may recall my temporary moment of insanity last week when I announced a giveaway contest in which one lucky winner would receive a $30 Target gift card and his/her choice of a Nucking Futs Mama t-shirt or hat. To enter, participants were asked to answer the following question:
** IF YOU HAD TO PICK A HOLIDAY GIFT FOR ONE OF THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE, WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE HIM/HER & WHY? **
Mel Gibson, Dora the Explorer, or Snooki
Thank God I had the wherewithall to ask Lady of the House, aka @ieatmykidzsnack, and Sex and the Single Dad, aka @SxNSingleDad, to help me judge this thing cause damn, there were a SHIT-TON of awesome entries! You people certainly have some choice words to say about Mel, Dora and Snooki! I wouldn’t wanna piss any of you off before running into you in a dark alley on a random night. Just sayin’….
Anyway, after a few technological glitches which brought me damn close to shoving my laptop down the garbage disposal, the judges and I finally decided on a favorite response. So, now, I present to you, the winning response:
“I would buy Dora the Explorer a training bra, a copy of ‘Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret,’ and a tiny cartoon box of monkey-sized condoms.”
** Congratulations to Chrystal and your fantabulous noggin for coming up with such a hilarious submission! You made us all very proud! Three cheers for Chrystal, y’all! **
Thanks so much to everybody who participated in the contest. It was so much fun reading your comments and getting a peak at the crazy-ass imaginations of my readers. I’d totally buy you all presents and shit for playing along, but my kids want a damn trampoline for Christmas so, unfortunately, that kinda poo-poos that whole plan. I still heart each and every one of you though if that means anything at all. (Shhh — I know that gifts are WAY better, but humor me a little, won’t you?!)