Things I’ve Learned This Week

Posted on May 18, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama


** The self-checkout lanes at the grocery store are no place for morons.

** Wednesday evening was evidently “Be An Asshole” night at my house.  (I didn’t get the memo.)

** It’s impossible NOT to smile when you see a dog hanging out a car window, beard blowing in the breeze.

** My son claims to “love being inappropriate“, an awesome quality for his frat house someday.

** I really, really, really want a hammock for the backyard!!!!  (Hint, hint….)

** Wearing shoes in the house helps to avoid feeling all the dirt on the floor.

** Helping my daughter with her homework is like trying to feed a honey badger out of your hand.

** Some people just really love to hear themselves talk.

** Sadly, the Queen of Disco took her “last dance“.  RIP, Donna Summer.  :(

** If you have to reheat your dinner more than twice, you might as well just eat the damn thing cold.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

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Goatdog and the Stolen Cheerios

Posted on May 17, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama

The mystery of how I can wanna squeeze and hug our beastly goof of a dog one minute and then release him to a pack of hungry grizzlies the next continues to baffle me.  Yes, Goatdog is doing his damnedest to make sure that our love-hate relationship doesn’t die out too quickly.  Sometimes he’s my big, furry buddy, and then other times, he’s a prickly thorn in my side (emphasis on the “prick“).  So if you see a crazy Airedale running loose on the side of the road one of these days, you’ll know why.

It was just yesterday when we were walking to school along our usual route with all the other moms and tots in the hood when I felt a sudden tug of the leash.  The next thing I knew, Goatdog was lunging at a three-year-old who was happily munching away on a bag of Cheerios.  My bad-mannered pooch apparently thought he, too, was entitled to a bite of some delicious “O’s”, for he proceeded to jam his snout right into the baggie and gobble up as much as he possibly could.

I was obviously horrified, especially when the little boy started to cry hysterically.  I’m not sure if he was scared or if he was pissed off that someone had stolen his breakfast right out of his hands.  I did my best to apologize profusely to the mother and to the kid as I cursed our idiot dog under my breath.  Luckily, she was extremely cool about the whole situation and even smiled and giggled at me on the walk to school this morning.  Thank God, cause I thought for sure I was gonna have to dress Goatdog incognito from now on when I walk him.  Perhaps a muzzle is in his future….

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Apparently Mama Knows Best

Posted on May 15, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama

After celebrating Mother’s Day this past weekend, I’m not afraid to toot my own horn and say that my kids are huge fans of their mama.  In fact, my poor husband is often shoved to the side when it comes to which parent they prefer.  And as hunky dory as this all may sound in theory, it isn’t always sunshine and roses.

For example, I could be all the way upstairs in my bathroom with the door closed, seeking just a split second of peaceful peeing (ok, stop laughing!!!), and my kids will literally hunt my ass down to deal with the most asinine of situations.  Never mind the fact that their father is literally two feet in front of their oblivious little faces, they still seem to find it necessary to come all the way upstairs, through the closed freaking doors to ask me to get them a snack or to referee an argument.

I mean, I know I’m pretty talented and everything, but I prefer to not have to demonstrate my skills from the pole position of the shitter.  I suppose I should be thrilled to have my little admirers come to me for the answers to all of life’s problems, but sometimes it’d be nice if they’d let their more-than-qualified papa take the wheel for a bit.  It gets tiring being the captain all the time….

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Posted on May 11, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama


** I like electricity.

** Mondays are like a zit on your chin that won’t go away.

** Politics are so freaking political.

** My kids could be drawing on their walls with Sharpies at bedtime, but as long as they stay in their rooms, I really wouldn’t care.

** Nothing makes you prouder than your son yelling from the outfield that he has to fart.

** Supervising a chain gang would be more fun than supervising homework.

** I’m “Mom Enough” to realize that I’m tired as hell and could really use a nap.

** It’s best to “file” art projects in the alley trash cans when your kids are at school.

** Automated phone systems are surely to blame for serial killers.

** Plastic Wrap really pisses me off.

** Goatdog will have healthy joints since he evidently ate my husband’s fish oil supplements.

** I learn more and more every day just how many people are full of shit.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

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Third Grade Math Can Kiss My 3.14hole

Posted on May 9, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama

If you follow me on Twitter, you’ve probably been subjected to my bitching about third grade math from time to time.  Call me crazy, but I’m just not a big fan of assignments that make make me feel dumber than my nine-year-old children.  Cause right now, my kids think I know everything, and this math crap is totally starting to blow my cover!!!

Take, for example, those word problems that make you think so hard that your adult brain starts to hurt.  I mean, is that REALLY necessary??!!  My brain’s on overload as it is already!  And if I can’t figure these problems out, then how the hell is my elementary school kid supposed to come up with an answer??!!

Just go ahead and check out #4 on my son’s homework from last night:


Are you freaking kidding me with this??!!  This is like something Alex Trebek would ask for the Final Jeopardy question.  And last time I checked, the schools aren’t handing out big monetary rewards for completing homework assignments.  So can you blame me if I told my son to write, “a pain in my ass” on the line that asked, “Who am I?“  Take THAT, third grade math!!!

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Day 2: Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show!!!

Posted on May 4, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama

Well, here we are on Day 2 of my Mother’s Day Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show!  If you didn’t shop your little heart out yesterday, remember that the party will continue through this Sunday, May 6.  You still have a chance to get your holiday shopping done AND be entered into the “Mystery Hostess Drawing“.  You know you wanna be that lucky winner who gets up to $250 or more in free jewelry!

Perhaps you might also be interested in this kick-ass Campari Necklace that the lovely Olivia Munn is wearing here, which happens to be one of my all-time favorite pieces in the Stella & Dot line:

I absolutely adore the pop of red it brings to her simple black dress.  Again, it’s such a fab piece that could jazz up even a plain old white t-shirt.  At $128, it’s a little more pricey, but trust me, you will wear the crap out of it!

Then, there’s my ultimate go-to piece, the Chelsea Necklace, which I wear ALL the time:

I love that you can wear it long or double it up like I did above and totally change up the look.  At $59, you’re getting quite the deal with this one.

And check out these GORGEOUS jade-colored Serenity Stone Drop Earrings:

Apparently, some princess was spotted wearing these bad boys, and they completely sold out for an entire month!  But lucky for you, they’re back in stock and will be an amazing addition to your summer wardrobe.  The $49 price point makes them even more irresistible!

So warm up your shopping fingers, people! You don’t wanna miss out on your chance to win some free jewelry, do you??!  You can shop the entire collection here:  Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show.

 

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Posted on May 4, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama


** Bras and humidity go together about as well as politicians and honesty.

** 7:30 AM is way too early for drama.

** It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if my kids’ heads spun around while they spit green pea soup at me.

** Spring baseball in Chicago can suck it.

** My imaginary housekeeper seems to have gone MIA.

** I’m dropping silent f-bombs in my head more often than not lately.

** Slow drivers are the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to me.

** Our backyard is FULL of random, oddball socks.

** If I were a country singer, I’d write a song called, “My Dog Is An Asshole.”

** Apple slicers hurt.  Like a son of a bitch.

** I swear, my husband could fall asleep in the middle of a jam-packed Chuck E. Cheese.

** Chinese food makes your mouth feel like you’ve been walking for days in the Sahara.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

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Day 1 — Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show!!!

Posted on May 3, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama

Well it’s officially time to get your shop on, people!  Welcome to Day 1 of my Mother’s Day Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show!  You may recall that I’m offering you the opportunity to purchase your gifts for yourself or for those you love from the convenience of your own home — heck, you might even be shopping in your birthday suit right now!  You can’t really do that at the mall, now can you??!!

So let’s begin with some photos of some of my very favorite Stella & Dot pieces.  This is the Bardot Spiral Bangle:

I absolutely LOVE this bracelet and wear it all the time.  It slides on like a Slinky, so it works for all sizes of wrists.  At only $49, it is quite the bargain!  It also comes in gold for $59.

And here are the fantabulous Deco Drop Earrings:

Trust me, they are seriously a must-have in your accessories collection!  You can dress ‘em up with an LBD (that’s “Little Black Dress” for all you men out there), or you can rock ‘em with a t-shirt and a pair of jeans.  At only $44, they, too make an awesome, yet very affordable, gift for that special lady in your world.

And if you’ll please pardon the dorky modeling pose, here’s me wearing the Chantilly Lace Cuff ($98) and the Chantilly Lace Chandelier Earrings ($49).

Again, you can dress ‘em up or dress ‘em down — I don’t know about you, but I’m all about versatility.  You get more bang for your buck that way.

Remember, you can shop the trunk show online anytime through Sunday, May 6, and a minimum purchase of $50 qualifies you for the “Mystery Hostess Drawing“.  Click here to start shopping:  Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show.

** And feel free to email me at jennie.marshall@sbcglobal.net with any questions, or call my cell at 847-612-5440.  No heavy breathers though, please.  :)

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Time To Get Our Prayer On….

Posted on May 2, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama


There have been countless times during my parenting experience where I think we should really make religion more of a focus in our family.  Now, don’t get me wrong — I, by no means, am a Bible beater; nor is my husband.  However, little inquiring minds wanna know just who this “God” dude actually is and why so many people are always talking about him.

And although my husband and I were both raised Methodist, we, for one reason or another, don’t seem to find ourselves sitting in a church pew each and every Sunday morning.  There’s always soccer or lack of sleep or just plain laziness that gets in our way of high-tailing it to the “Lord’s House“.  All excuses aside, though, we can’t help but feel guilty every now and then about not fully exposing our kids to religion more than we do.

That point was driven home to me super loud and clear this past weekend when I was overseeing the writing of the thank you notes for my twin’s birthday gifts.  Much to my surprise, I apparently bought “religious” cards for my daughter to send that included Psalm 75:1, “We give thanks to you, O God…for your Name is near.”  My daughter was halfway through completing her thank you note list before she even noticed the quote and asked me to read it to her.

You can probably imagine how appalled I was when she asked me if I wanted her to “cross it out“.  Holy shit!  Are we really that big of heathens that we can’t appreciate a good ol’ “God” quote every now and then??!!  Wow.  I told her to leave it alone, but I couldn’t help but think that perhaps we really should get dressed in our Sunday best and get our prayer on this weekend…..

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Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show

Posted on April 30, 2012 by nuckingfutsmama

Mother’s Day is just around the corner, you know, and what better time to shop for yourself or for someone you love??!! And how cool would it be to do it in your skivvies (if you’re so inclined, that is) in the comfort of your very own home?! Well, I’m here to offer that very same convenience to you all with a bonus chance to win some pretty cool free stuff!

For those of you who haven’t yet heard, I recently became a stylist for Stella & Dot jewelry. I’ve been a HUGE fan of their amazing styles offered at amazing prices ever since I first laid eyes upon them. And lucky for you, I’ve decided to hold a virtual Stella & Dot trunk show starting this Thursday (May 3) through Sunday (May 6) where I will be posting pictures of some of my favorite jewelry pieces and answering any questions you may have about the fabulous Spring and Summer Collection. Plus, anyone who makes a minimum purchase of $50 or more will automatically be entered into the Mystery Hostess Contest where I will draw a name from a hat to receive the hostess jewelry credits for the show. (FYI: The average trunk show hostess earns $250 in free jewelry and up to 4 items at 50% off!) This is a serious no brainer, people! You could possibly kill two birds with one stone here — get your Mother’s Day shopping done AND win some fantabulous stuff for yourself or your significant other! Can you say, “WINNING“??!!

You can RSVP and add your email to the party right here:  Stella & Dot Trunk Show.

So get your shopping fingers ready, y’all, and tell all your friends to join in the fun– the more, the merrier…..

 

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