** My house is a revolving door of loud, screeching short people. (And I kind of love it.)
** Wearing a dress AND a bra all in one day is quite an accomplishment.
** Apparently, finding a random object like a screwdriver in the fridge doesn’t even begin to faze me.
** Standardized test scores should seriously come with a human translator.
** It would be awesome if my personal chef, butler, and masseuse weren’t make-believe.
** The inevitable slow-moving line at the CVS Pharmacy sucks the fun right out of me.
** Proper grammar is missing from entirely too many people’s lives.
** My kids wrote the book on “Ten Million Ways to Get out of Going to Bed“.
** The squirrels in our alley are on a mission to completely destroy our trash cans.
** I am on a mission to completely destroy the squirrels in our alley.
** Surely, either the piles of homework or the piles of laundry will be the death of me.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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