Things I’ve Learned This Week

nothing-appreciate-nice-restaurant-cooking-funny-ecard-3B0

** There’s nothing like having your kids barge into your bathroom and present you with a Valentine while you’re standing there buck naked.

** I’d be better off shaving my legs with a chain saw than a brand new Lady Bic.

** This latest polar vortex has made my mood more bitter than the air.

** I never thought I’d be wearing a hat and mittens INSIDE my house.

** Our disappearing iPhone chargers must be hanging out with our missing socks.

** Red velvet cupcakes are one of the few things more seductive than Channing Tatum’s abs.

** Insomnia always shows up to the party even when she’s uninvited.  She’s such a bitch.

** It’s a lot easier to fall into the rabbit hole than it is to climb out of it.

** Hair aches — they’re real, and they HURT, people.

** Some days I’m not sure if the homework is for me or for my kids.

** It’ll be a miracle if I pass sixth grade.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Things I’ve Learned This Week

1978819_670615863043350_5436789956401114683_n

** If I’m in the woods today, I need to avoid men wearing hockey masks.

** Listening to an eleven year old sing in the shower is nothing short of AWESOME.

** A kid kicking the back of your seat for 3+ hours on a plane is a true test of one’s patience.

** Holding my breath for a good Valentine’s gift would only leave me blue in the face.

** It’s all fun and games till you find an ant party in your powder room.

** Hiking is good for the soul.  (And for the buns.)

** You just can’t reason with crazy no matter how hard you try.

** Good hair days are so few and so far between.

** The Victoria’s Secret swimsuit issue does NOT make me excited about squeezing into a spring break bikini in the near distant future.

** My son might very well be the KING of photobombing.

** “Save the drama for your mama” seems to be a running theme around here.

** The current sixth grade homework would give even Einstein a run for his money.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I’ve Learned This Week

Rottenecards_16208184_j5z3kyhrtw.jpg

** I am an extremely underpaid entertainment coordinator.

** Nobody wins when Mama oversleeps on a school day.

** You really can’t watch the Magic Mike XXL trailer too many times.

** The quickest way for me to fall asleep is to crawl in bed with a book.

** I’ve read the exact same sentence on the exact same page of my book 52 different times.

** Evidently EVERYONE thinks they have the right of way.

** Privacy might be an even bigger problem if the doorknob to your bathroom comes off.

** Nothing says SEXY like a puberty-sized zit on your adult-sized chin.

** Just because it says that it’s an “express” lane does not mean that it is.

** Not all airline employees are a-holes.

** I could make out with a vat of Vaseline and STILL have chapped lips.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I’ve Learned This Week

great-way-lose-weight-calories-after-9-pm-funny-ecard-gBJ

** Daytime t.v. brings with it some seriously disturbing commercials.

** My kids are probably hungry all the time because most of their food ends up on the floor rather than in their mouths.

** If you have measles, you may wanna think twice about going to an amusement park.  Just saying.

** One of the quickest ways to ruin a good mood is to try on bathing suits.

** Deodorant is really NOT optional.

** I apparently have a lot of conversations with myself, thanks to the amazing listeners in my house.

** Things that fall in the right-hand crack of the driver’s seat may as well be lost forever.

** I’m not sure what smells worse — my kids’ feet or the dog’s breath.

** There’s enough talk about balls in my normal everyday life without having to hear about them constantly on the news, too.

** Asparagus is like a house guest who’s overstayed his welcome.

** If I came home tomorrow with a purple mohawk, I have no doubt that it’d go completely unnoticed.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I’ve Learned This Week

8995_10152667728168716_1202351543590879273_n

** Short weeks make you feel like every day is Friday.

** They also make you angry to find out that every day is not, in fact, Friday.

** I’ve totally forgotten what the sun even looks like.

** Apparently I’m an asshole because I served my kids ice cream that was “too cold“.

** Being fired never felt so good — especially when it’s from helping your daughter with her math homework.

** This making of the dinner thing every single night has gotten WAY out of control.

** You actually CAN freezer-burn your own skin.  Who knew?

** My son is completely oblivious to when he’s outgrown a pair of his pants.

** The Colts have bigger balls than the Patriots.

** “Good night, sleep tight” evidently translates to “Get up and ask for a snack in 5 minutes”.

** The door to our pantry should be a revolving one.  Obviously.

**  I really should’ve joined the geese and flown south for the winter.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I’ve Learned This Week

1319116855468_8606634

** It’s hard to play Dr. Kevorkian, even to a Beta fish who’s dying a very slow death.

** Helping with Spanish homework when you don’t speak a lick of Spanish is like trying to cook a gourmet meal when you can’t even boil water.

** Sometimes a nap is more important than a workout.

** Say what you will about Howard Stern, but the man is a GREAT freaking interviewer.

** When you come across “Good Fellas” while channel surfing, it’s obviously your lucky day.

** Everybody seems to be on the latest, greatest “diet of the moment“.

** New Year’s resolutions are overrated anyway.

** Loose bills in the dryer are obviously all MINE.

** Winding the kids down before bedtime is not my husband’s finest skill.

** If I actually found a coat hanging in the coat closet instead of lying on the floor, I’d probably have a heart attack.

** A helluva way to cap off an evening is finding a Jell-O explosion in your son’s lunch box.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Things I’ve Learned This Week

heres-magical-winter-public-cold-hands-funny-ecard-RsV

** I’m not buying whatever Mother Nature is selling.

** My transformation from human to crocodile is nearly complete, thanks to all the dry heat in my house.

** Suddenly a Snuggie doesn’t seem like such a dumb idea.

** You know it’s cold outside when your family room feels like an igloo.

** Having to plan your kids’ summer schedules when it’s a freaking snow globe outside is just whackadoo.

** It’d be awesome if the ornaments were as fun to take off the tree as they are to put on the tree.

** Frozen snot is not sexy.

** No matter the question, sugar cookies are always the answer.

** Paying your children to do the chores you loathe is worth every single penny.

** Thank you very much Cialis commercials, but erectile dysfunction’s not really something I’m prepared to discuss with my wee ones.

** If anyone needs me, I’ll be residing in our preheated oven until June.

** Despite what I might think (and it was definitely questionable this week), God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Things I’ve Learned This Week

c514b40858ca7c0fbca3cea6073f0f7c

** ‘Tis the season to feel like a walking ATM.

** If you’re a fan of torturing yourself, I highly recommend going to the mall two weekends before Christmas.

** We need to bring nap time back (for me, not for the kids).

** When I get my car washed or my hair done, you can bet your ass it’s gonna rain.

** I have a knack for picking the checkout lane with the MOTHER of all problems.

** A week off of knowing who’s supposed to be where and when would be highly welcomed.

** Santa may have lost his list before checking it twice.

** North Korea is apparently making our movie selection choice for us these days.

** December is when you realize that you’ve forgotten more than 95% of the things that you’re SUPPOSED to have been doing.

** Tacky Christmas decorations just piss me off, cause seriously, why even bother??!!

** I am the queen of forgetting where I’ve hidden all the damn presents for the kids.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I’ve Learned This Week

MjAxMi03MTMxZThhZDBjY2ZjMDMz

** If my kids overflow one more toilet around here, they’re getting an outhouse for Christmas.

** I could really use an elf.

** Getting Christmas cards in the mail is so much better than getting bills in the mail.

** Antlers are for reindeer, NOT for cars.

** It’s no fun to be stalked by a bitch named Insomnia.

** The squeaky wheel gets the oil (and sometimes a free snowboard rental!)

** People sure seem to enjoy pooping at my house.

** You know you’re losing it when you totally forget your kid’s rescheduled dental appointment from the first time you forgot it.

** Evidently, the holidays make everyone forget how to park.

** Kenny Rogers was right about knowing when to fold ‘em.

** Just hearing the word “lice” makes my head itch.

** Santa may very well need to rob a bank (and possibly a liquor store) after looking at this year’s Christmas lists.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I’ve Learned This Week

Rottenecards_9943686_htdnqkvr2h.jpg

** Finding evidence of sleep around here is like finding a dinosaur bone.

** If you know whether you’re coming or going, you’re a lot better off than me.

** My warm climate-dwelling friends may find me knocking on their doors for a very LONG visit soon.

** Apparently, Bill Cosby is yet another member of the ever-growing douchebag population.

** Cleaning up overflowing toilets is NOT what I signed up to do.

** The holiday season seems to bring out the inner asshole in all of us.

** Finding out your bedroom door does not actually lock anymore can be rather humiliating for a parent.

** My eyes really shouldn’t be trusted with nighttime driving responsibilities.

** I don’t care how amazing her voice is — a nun singing “Like a Virgin“ is just freaking creepy.

** A rock would be able to reiterate the things I say better than my family on most days.

** It’s super fun when your kids lose their crap and blame YOU for “misplacing” it.

** If there were a job that required people to do nothing but bitch, a crazy long line of applicants would be ready to clock in.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

 

Posted in mom blog, mom trying to stay sane blog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment