Things I’ve Learned This Week

** T.H.O. season has officially arrived.

** Lost and Found bins make me wanna scrub myself with acid.

** Santa’s gonna have to start turnin’ tricks to pay for all the shit on the Christmas lists this year.

** No crossing streams in the bathroom with your friends is apparently a rule that needs to be implemented in our house.

** It’s important to scan for sprinkles before sitting down to pee.  (Too bad my ass didn’t learn this.)

** I’m ready to go to bed before my kids are these days.

** There’s a 25 Days of Christmas Angry Birds edition!

** People really like free shit!  (By the way, have you entered my contest yet?)

** Goatdog is an even bigger dick when my husband’s out of town.

** I’d rather eat nails than listen to someone snore.

** Nothin’ can turn a frown upside down like a new pair of shoes.

** I could write a whole book on things that are bullshit.

** Somebody needs to take a chill pill on the whole 3-D movie phenomenon.

** They really need to make Midol for second graders.

** I may fly back to the North Pole with our Elf on the Shelf one night.  (Mama needs a break.)

** ‘Tis the season once again for crazy parking space stalkers at the mall.

** My sweet tooth has taken the wheel.  (Sorry, Jesus.)

** I’m just always gonna be late for everything, so suck it.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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8 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. Katie in Texas says:

    I learned that orange safety fence will not keep a dog from wading on the covered pool, but will keep her from getting back into the yard.

  2. Danny says:

    – No matter how pretty fall leaves are, it still sucks when I have to bag them.
    – Yogurt from Gogurt tubes always end up where it shouldn’t
    – Some of the people on Yo Gabba Gabba scare the shit out of me (OMG I really need to go back to work!)

  3. Jamie says:

    hey — I was wondering last night were that thing went.

  4. MichelleD says:

    that my son has been telling everybody at school about my daughter’s diaper rash on her ‘homo’. We’re pretty sure he was trying to say hoo-ha, but landed on homo!

  5. Lizzard72 says:

    That my 16 month can scream at the top of her lungs, laugh, and Mama manages to survive.

    Dont park at Woodfield, ever 😉

  6. Jewels says:

    I’ve learned that boots that go over your knees look kick ass! Even on a 39 year old!!

  7. I’ve learned that bloggin is a lot harder than it looks. Oh, And I learned that quoting from another person blog without putting a link is BAD… I had to edit it to put your link in.

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