Things I’ve Learned This Week

** I can rock a backwards thong with the best of ’em.

** Onion powder from 2008 is lumpy two years later.

** Grilled cheese crumbs have no business being on your tatas.

** My “me” time (I can’t say that without laughing) has now dwindled down to approximately -.05 seconds each day.

** Sweaty crotches are just not very sexy.

** Stepping on a crack isn’t the only thing that breaks your mama’s back.

** I will evidently keep biting the same place on my lip over and over again for the rest of eternity.

** The Discovery Channel attracts some serious loony tunes.

** Elementary schools should have mandatory lice checks before kids can start a new year of classes.

** The word “lice” makes my head itch.  *scratch* *scratch*

** I can totally screw up, and my kids still love me to pieces.

** Paris Hilton needs to come up with a better excuse for carrying her drugs.

** When the going gets tough, the tough sometimes says, “Ah, to hell with it.

** It is definitely possible to come home from a bikini wax with wax stuck in the hair on TOP of your head.

** Sippin’ on gin and juice doesn’t sound the least bit appealing to me.

** I could open a convenience store with all the shit I’ve found in my kids’ backpacks.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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10 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. No matter how pissed you are at a Sports Authority employee, you can’t punch the police officer called to the scene to stop your screaming and get away with it.

    Your house cleaners are going to find something intimate under your bed one of these days.

    those healthy fiber and “power” bars make you fart all day. Loudly.

  2. Jewels says:

    I straight up have never had my bikini wax n my hair!! WTF? 🙂

  3. I love coming here on Fridays.
    I’ve only been waxed three times in my life- and once I ended up with wax between my toes.

  4. @tshaka_zulu says:

    …that, apparently, it is possible for a woman to get a bikini wax and wind up with wandering wax in the hair on top of her head AND between her toes. Even having a mom who was an Esthetician, that beats everything I’ve learned this week for Lol’s. Hope you have a Rucking Festful holiday weekend! 🙂

  5. Samantha says:

    Are you kidding? I came home today from a bikini wax with wax in my hair. Seriously one of the most random things that has ever happened to me. Luckily, or unlucky depending on how you look at it, I had a pony tail in and was able to oil the wax out. I looked like I went swimming in a vat of oil. Lovely, hubby better appreciate the lower job!

  6. Jennifer says:

    That my dog is still just as annoying as when I left for work this morning.

    I learned today that they closed the Subway in the Shell Station by my work and since I walked there for lunch the only other alternative was the Oly Burger greasy spoon in the Shell Station – so I ate there and gained 5 lbs this afternoon!

    I also discovered that when your kids are small they invade your shoe closet and then again when they are 13 they invade it again!

  7. Annie says:

    I love this post! had me rolling!

    I learned that my 16 month old son can climb a 10ft ladder without any help. (I was right behind him, hand hovering 1 cm behind him, cause if I touched him he flipped out….kinda dangerous on a ladder)

    Scared the pants off me!

  8. Heather says:

    Eewww on the sweaty crotch one!

    Found you button on Bloggy Moms. Following your funny blog.

    Heather from Mommy Only Has Two Hands!

  9. While I’m sure obese senior citizens carrying oxygen bags are a wonderful benefit to society in myriad ways, their presence in a restaurant should tell you that your food is being made by teenagers who blow their nose in your omelette.

  10. Angie says:

    I learned that my dumb dog enjoys the diapers that have content that looks the same as it did when it went in my daughter’s mouth. Absolutely gross.

    I learned that my bathroom “personals” look like giant bandaids to my 2 year old.

    Great blog! Love it and totally relate! 🙂

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