** I can rock a backwards thong with the best of ’em.
** Onion powder from 2008 is lumpy two years later.
** Grilled cheese crumbs have no business being on your tatas.
** My “me” time (I can’t say that without laughing) has now dwindled down to approximately -.05 seconds each day.
** Sweaty crotches are just not very sexy.
** Stepping on a crack isn’t the only thing that breaks your mama’s back.
** I will evidently keep biting the same place on my lip over and over again for the rest of eternity.
** The Discovery Channel attracts some serious loony tunes.
** Elementary schools should have mandatory lice checks before kids can start a new year of classes.
** The word “lice” makes my head itch. *scratch* *scratch*
** I can totally screw up, and my kids still love me to pieces.
** Paris Hilton needs to come up with a better excuse for carrying her drugs.
** When the going gets tough, the tough sometimes says, “Ah, to hell with it.”
** It is definitely possible to come home from a bikini wax with wax stuck in the hair on TOP of your head.
** Sippin’ on gin and juice doesn’t sound the least bit appealing to me.
** I could open a convenience store with all the shit I’ve found in my kids’ backpacks.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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