You wanna talk about a lesson in humiliation? Well then take your little booty on down to your local mall and give yourself a good once-over in the dressing room mirrors. Recently, I’ve had the displeasure of viewing myself in multiple dressing room mirrors, and seriously? Could they make those things any less flattering?! Even if you go in there feeling pretty darn good about yourself, chances are, you’ll come out wanting to wear a freaking Burka for the rest of eternity.
First off, there’s the God-awful lighting in those places. They might as well just shine a neon spotlight on your half-naked body. Honestly, who wants to try on a bathing suit in a room that’s lit up like the damn center of the sun? Have they never heard of “mood lighting” for crap’s sakes?!
And then there’s the mirror itself. I am of the opinion that these sheets of glass are distributed by the exact same people who make those crazy funhouse mirrors. Do your thighs not grow wider each second you stare at your reflection? Does your body not seem abnormally shorter as if you’ve been smashed by a trash compactor? They are anything BUT flattering.
I’m also always creeped out by the fact that a camera is watching my every move in there. It makes me wonder just who it is that’s monitoring all this dressing room action. Is it some perverted old dude who’s getting his kicks by spying on ladies in their underwear? Or is it a gaggle of judgmental bitties who are tracing my problem areas on the screen with their fingers? Either way, it’s certainly NOT making me love my naked self any more.
Seems to me that it would be in the best interest of EVERYONE involved if the mirror actually gave off the impression that you look like a flippin’ hot-as-all-get-out Victoria’s Secret model. Really, what harm would it cause for you to see Giselle staring back at you in that dressing room? Now I don’t know about you, but I’m foreseeing a whole lot more confidence, a whole lot more lingerie sales, and a whole hell of a lot more people gettin’ lucky. Now there’s a multi-million dollar idea if you ask me….