** My mind thinks I’m 21, but my body, not so much.
** There’s no such thing as tiptoeing back into reality after vacation.
** George Clooney apparently got tired of waiting for me.
** The sink in my kids’ bathroom looks like a damn science experiment.
** Sixth grade math makes me question my morals.
** If it doesn’t look edible, it’s probably not.
** I’m never quite as popular as I am when I sit down on the toilet.
** Some people should NEVER operate heavy machinery. Drunk OR sober.
** I can’t create a proper french braid to save my freaking life.
** Laughing your face off should be a daily requirement.
** Political ads are about as believable as a used car salesman.
** Being sick is a serious inconvenience. Especially when you’re a mom.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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