** If you take up two parking spaces, you shouldn’t be surprised when you’re door-dinged.
** Putting my husband in charge of homework supervision is like putting my kids in charge of homework supervision.
** Some people really don’t understand the importance of getting to the damn point.
** V Stiviano is nuttier than squirrel poop.
** If it looks like a prostitute and acts like a prostitute, it’s most likely a prostitute.
** Making dinner reservations for 40 people is like orchestrating a battle.
** I thoroughly enjoy having my kids do my dirty work.
** Sometimes the best memories are the ones that were spontaneously made (and no, that’s not a sexual reference, perverts!)
** Showering is, sadly, at the bottom of my to-do list these days.
** I’m already beyond sick of Kim and Kanye’s wedding, and it hasn’t even happened yet.
** An itchy head makes me immediately think of lice.
** The lazy, hazy days of summer cannot get here fast enough.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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