** Next year, I really need some elves, dammit.
** My twins now have nicer phones than I do. Thanks, Santa.
** Candlelight church services with kids make me ten kinds of nervous.
** If you wanna see a parade of assholes, you should look no further than the mall parking lot in December.
** The Christmas tree’s so dead that it may spontaneously combust at any given moment.
** Trying to figure out what day of the week it is during the holidays is impossible.
** Watching two people who are unfamiliar with FaceTime try to FaceTime each other is both comedic and pathetic.
** The loud blare of a referee whistle in a tiny school gym is enough to make you wish you were deaf.
** Our trash collectors may very well be my new enemy after they see this week’s pick up.
** Flushing the toilet is apparently asking too much of these people in my house.
** The devil himself has possessed the smoke alarm in our basement.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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