Birds do it. Bees do it. And God knows WE sure do it. But unfortunately for me, it looks like I’m gonna have to talk to my kids about HOW we do it. (Well, not every little gory detail, of course, but just the textbook highlights.) Yes, it’s about that time to sit the shorties down and have the dreaded sex talk with ’em. Cause I’d much rather them hear it from me than from Joe Schmoe whose brother’s been watching porn in his spare time.
So even though I’ve known for quite a while now that it’s high time we break it all down, it became even more apparent to me on our spring break adventure down to Florida a couple of weeks ago. We were out to dinner with my mother-in-law, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend’s family when my nine-year-old son announced to the table that he was going to “sext” someone. You can probably imagine why I choked on my wine and nearly had a heart attack right there on the spot.
Turns out that he didn’t actually know what that word meant (phew!), but rather, he finds the word “sex” to be somewhat funny. I knew immediately that my husband and I needed to do some serious damage control. So we took the long car ride home as an opportunity to see just what he and his sister already knew about making babies.
There was a lot of talk about “seeds growing in bellies” and kids “popping out of the mama’s butthole“, which told us that good lord, were we in trouble! Who had told them all this crap??!! We did the best we could with straightening out those seriously distorted facts, but we still need to explain the whole bit about the penis going into the vagina thing.
There’s just never really a good time to whip out a topic like that though, is there? I mean, it’s not really a traditional warm and fuzzy bedtime kind of a story or your typical conversation on the way to soccer practice. “Now, honey, you have sweet dreams tonight about Daddy’s peter going into Mommy’s va-jay-jay, mmm-kay?” Uh, I don’t think so! After all, these ARE my babies, ya know! It’s so hard for me to swallow the fact that they are ready to know the real deal. Nevertheless, though, the talk WILL be happening soon. Very soon. And I’ll most definitely need y’all to hold me afterwards.