Things I’ve Learned This Week

** My kids find dirt faster than a junkie finds smack.

** Movie popcorn always seems like a good idea at the time.

** A jackhammer at a Metallica concert would be quieter than some of the carpools I’ve driven.

** Canker sores and teeth are a HORRIBLE combination.

** The a-hole who’s been trying to hack into my email account should totally be thanked……..with my fist.

** A dirty, random whiffle ball has somehow found its way into my purse.  WTF?!

** The people in this house are seriously one pile away from becoming hoarders.

** I could watch Channing Tatum writhe around on the floor all day long.  Just sayin’.

** If you want something done, do it yourself.  Or just say screw it, and open up some vino.

** Pulling out in front of someone is totally not cool.  Unless it’s me pulling out in front of you.

** Insomnia can kiss my sleep deprived ass.

** Friday the 13th is a day where I will throw a black cat under a ladder if it even tries to cross my path.

** I’d rather watch paint dry than wait on hold for customer service.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

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