** The next time my kids PROMISE me they’ll stay in bed if I read just one more itty bitty chapter, I’ll know they’re totally full of shit.
** Screw Santa — MOMS are the ones who need elves!!!!
** No matter how many times I return it to the basement, an Australian boomerang keeps reappearing on my kitchen counter.
** The mall parking lot is a freaking war zone at holiday time.
** My kids have been “eating” their fruits and vegetables by hiding them in the dog crate.
** Goatdog evidently thinks he’s a bull since he charged right through the glass door on our house.
** For Christmas, I’ll be getting a new glass door. Lucky me.
** Flights from New York to Chicago are never ever on time.
** Glasses are much more helpful if you remember to actually wear them.
** A nightly electronics confiscation is a must before tucking in the short people of our household.
** Workout sweat has become my new fragrance.
** Finding a working strand of lights among the stored holiday decorations is like winning the lottery.
** I’ve come up with a whole new word for tired, but I’m too tired to remember what it is.
** Finding a non-Christmas specific, non-religious game to play at a holiday classroom party is next to impossible.
** Despite what I might think (and I really questioned it this week), God does not give me more than I can handle.
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