I’m sure most of us have given our cell phones to our kids at some point or another to entertain them (i.e. shut them the hell up) while we run errands, right? And really, the worst that can happen is that we end up with a gazillion kids’ game apps or an unexpected alarm going off at 3 AM (I speak from experience, y’all). However, who woulda thunk that the REAL danger would lie in lending your phone to YOUR FRIEND’S HUSBAND during a wine-fueled dinner outing one evening?
This is, unfortunately, the very thing that happened to me back in the spring when I naively allowed my friend’s prankster hubby to borrow my iPhone. I truly thought nothing of this seemingly inconsequential gesture until a few days later when I received my first warning that shenanigans had, in fact, taken place. Yep, at precisely 9:15 AM on a random Tuesday morning, my phone began to very LOUDLY announce an “important” reminder to me.
And much to my sheer and utter horror, that “important” reminder was for me not to forget to “MASTERBATE WHEREVER“. I’m sure you can just imagine how thrilled I was to read this little memo during a meeting with none other than my daughter’s second grade teacher. I kid you not — I’ve never tried to sit on a piece of technology faster in my entire life.
And wouldn’t you know that my electronically-challenged brain couldn’t figure out how on earth to turn the damn alarm off for nearly a whole flippin’ month??!! Yes, I was reminded to Shania-my-Twain everywhere from the grocery store, to the gym, to the library, and, surprisingly, even at church! The insanity finally came to an end when I coyly asked my son how to turn off alarms on my phone without actually showing him the one particular alarm to which I was referring. And naturally, he knew just how to do it. (When all else fails, just ask the eight year old.) So I guess the moral of the story is to never lend your phone to your friend’s inebriated husband and, of course, not to forget to tickle the taco.