Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me?

Know the great thing about getting older?  No?  Well, me neither!  There’s certainly not a whole lot that I find entertaining about the wrinkles, the aches and pains, the eye baggage, the gray hairs, the sleeplessness, and worst of all, the damn hot flashes!  Seriously, is this the kind of thanks we get for shooting the future of America out of our uterus way back when??!!

So I don’t know about you, but I swear that the closer I get to turning the big FOUR-OH the more things seem to be going downhill.  Just two short years ago, I KNOW I had way more energy and way less hike-ups in my get-along.  And now?  I couldn’t sneak out of the house even if I tried to — my snaps, crackles and pops would surely give me away.  How the hell did I turn into a Golden Girl in just a few measly decades?!

You may be thinking that I’m a wee bit on the early side for all the crap that comes with the nasty M” word (uh, that would be “MENOPAUSE” for all you brain farts out there).  But a former out-of-body experience eight years ago made me a prime candidate for all the fun to begin a little sooner than most.  Yay me!

And while some of the changes have been subtle, others have been more like a friggin’ punch in the face.  Among all the little hiccups of aging, however, the intermittent sweats are by far the ones that have totally come to kick my ass.  Honestly, there is nothing more annoying than waking up in a pool of your own perspiration at 4 AM — oh, except maybe having sweat roll down your legs as you’re trying to enjoy a girls’ night out with your friends.  I kid you not, I’ve had to blot myself down with a cloth napkin right there in the middle of a restaurant on more than one occasion.  That very scenario HAS to be where the term “hot mess” originated.  I’m so “sure“, in fact, that I’d raise my hand, but I don’t think you’d really wanna smell me.  (Deodorant anyone?)

So, even more of THIS is apparently what I have to look forward to, eh?  What ever happened to growing old gracefully?  I’m sorry, but there’s not really anything graceful about giving yourself a sitz bath in the middle of The Cheesecake Factory.  I really really wanna rock out my forties, but I guess I’ll have to arm myself with a clip-on fan and a spray bottle to make that happen.

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5 Responses to Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me?

  1. Sweaty says:

    Oh boy, I don’t know what to say… I just hope whatever it is (hot flushes?!? I hope not!) goes away soon!!! Or if not, then for you to somehow find a way to tackle it! Funny how people like Demi Moore doesn’t seem to be plagued with the kinds of things we ‘common’ people do.

  2. Dolli says:

    Bio-identical hormones. Had the patch since my hysterectomy 4 years ago & only mild hot flashes, usually when it’s warm anyway. They also may help fight breast cancer. My hysterectomy was complete, incl ovaries, which is why I needed some sort of hormone therapy.

  3. JR Reed says:

    Yo baby girl…anywhere you are is hot, cuz you;re H-A-W-T. (I can get away with the phrase, “Baby girl” because I’m on the other side of 40 and I can use the term HAWT because I’m the crackah gangstah.)

  4. Im approaching the big Three OH at the end of August. I have hot flushes. Luckily not the sweaty type (yet). I remain so warm in my face and neck and ears I look like i am permanently blushing!
    It lasts for an hour at a time. Totally embarressing!
    After four to five days of this I then have to deal with a migraine to boot!! WTF? No fair! cant I just go back to the easy going early 20′s please???

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