Tag Archives: winter

Things I’ve Learned This Week

** If I held my breath for a big Valentine’s Day surprise, I’d surely end up dead. ** A pre-shower naked dance is evidently becoming a nightly ritual around here. ** Yoga is like church for the body and the … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** Snowblowers are the roosters of my neighborhood. ** Joe Namath is just a gold tooth and a hooker away from becoming a pimp. ** Insomnia is stalking me yet again. ** Goatdog REALLY wants to poop on grass again. … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** Whoever sent the Polar Vortex an invitation to return is in need of a good ass kicking. ** If I wanted to live in Antarctica, I would’ve moved to Antarctica. ** My lips might very well just chap right off … Continue reading

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Suck It, Mother Nature

I’d always thought that Mother Nature and I kind of had a connection — you know with the whole “mother” thing and all.  But I’m really starting to think that she’s falsely assumed her title because no mama in her … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** If I looked like David Beckham, I’d be naked ALL the time. ** I’m a firm Belieber that Justin needs a big ol’ time out. ** Scooping dog turds in the frigid air should earn one a reward of … Continue reading

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A Polar Vortex Punch of Reality

Coming back from a family vacation is never a fun thing.  The packing, the travel, the crabby kids — they all add up to one giant pain in the ass.  It pretty much makes you forget that you were even … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** The weatherman seems to be telling us all to go back to our warm beds until April. ** It would be AWESOME if I was the octopus my children seem to think I am. ** When you tell your husband … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** School REALLY needs to start.  Cause my patience has left the building. ** The smell of an amusement park is a compilation of B.O., grease, and ass. ** I’m not buying what Lindsay Lohan is selling. ** Kids only … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** My son isn’t afraid to run a song straight into the ground. ** Neither time nor cheese is on my side. ** If answering questions was a high-paying job, I’d be rolling in the benjamins. ** I feel naked without … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** I most certainly did NOT inherit my mom’s hair-braiding skills. ** Apparently, Gap Kids sells husky-sized skinny jeans.  Anybody else confused? ** Winter can kiss my lily-white patootie. ** However, the thought of the approaching swimsuit season scares the … Continue reading

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