Tag Archives: Santa

Things I’ve Learned This Week

** ‘Tis the season to feel like a walking ATM. ** If you’re a fan of torturing yourself, I highly recommend going to the mall two weekends before Christmas. ** We need to bring nap time back (for me, not … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** If my kids overflow one more toilet around here, they’re getting an outhouse for Christmas. ** I could really use an elf. ** Getting Christmas cards in the mail is so much better than getting bills in the mail. … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** Next year, I really need some elves, dammit. ** My twins now have nicer phones than I do.  Thanks, Santa. ** Candlelight church services with kids make me ten kinds of nervous. ** If you wanna see a parade … Continue reading

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‘Twas the Nucking Futty Night Before Christmas (Re-posted)

Some of you may remember this post from a few years ago, and some of you may be reading it for the first time.  Whatever the case, it was my own nucking futty spin on the classic tale of “The … Continue reading

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‘Tis the Season for Gazillion Dollar Wish Lists

————————————————————————————————— Remember the good old days when your kids would be perfectly happy with the giant cardboard box their gifts came in?  Give ‘em some markers, and they were entertained for HOURS, barely costing you a thing.  My, how times … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** It’s not a road trip in our family unless it ends with a souvenir bag of puke. ** Thanksgiving without a nap is like Christmas without a Santa. ** You never realize how much you use your ice maker. … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** Santa needs to be A LOT more organized next year. ** I may never see my son again now that Wii U is hooked up in the basement. ** Goatdog REALLY likes to open presents.  Especially ones that don’t … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** All I want for Christmas is a personal chef.  And a bigger bank account to pay for the personal chef. ** Those inflatable lawn Santas look so sad and hungover during the daytime. ** A sick kid at home … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

** My kids think Santa can make ANYTHING, which means that I am totally and completely SCREWED. ** “Customer” and “service” are two words that, sadly, don’t belong together anymore. ** Static electricity is a very unfortunate side effect of … Continue reading

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Things I’ve Learned This Year (A Recap of the Best of 2011)

** My son likes to make his penis talk.  (Don’t ask.) ** The entire household turns into assholes when my husband goes out of town. ** My kids wait to take a dump until it’s time to walk out the … Continue reading

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