** A three-day weekend is directly followed by an entire week of not knowing what the hell day it is.
** The shortest weeks often seem like the longest.
** Jimmy Hoffa may very well be hiding in my out-of-control pantry.
** It’s apparently important to remember to turn off the sprinkler system when your kid decides to camp out in the backyard.
** Just when you think things are running along smoothly, someone goes and poops on your parade.
** All the shark attacks in the news do nothing to ease my fear of Jaws lurking somewhere in the near distance.
** Surely the number of questions I have to answer on a daily basis is directly related to the number of brain cells I seem to be losing.
** Every time someone “replies all” to a group email, an angel loses its wings.
** My children would rather just drip dry than change a damn toilet paper roll.
** Homophones can create unnecessary panic.
** Betty White is most certainly alive and kicking, bless her awesome, funny soul.
** I wish I had even a fraction of the energy that my alter-ego seems to have.
** Homework assignments should be for kids, NOT for parents.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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