** If my kids overflow one more toilet around here, they’re getting an outhouse for Christmas.
** I could really use an elf.
** Getting Christmas cards in the mail is so much better than getting bills in the mail.
** Antlers are for reindeer, NOT for cars.
** It’s no fun to be stalked by a bitch named Insomnia.
** The squeaky wheel gets the oil (and sometimes a free snowboard rental!)
** People sure seem to enjoy pooping at my house.
** You know you’re losing it when you totally forget your kid’s rescheduled dental appointment from the first time you forgot it.
** Evidently, the holidays make everyone forget how to park.
** Kenny Rogers was right about knowing when to fold ‘em.
** Just hearing the word “lice” makes my head itch.
** Santa may very well need to rob a bank (and possibly a liquor store) after looking at this year’s Christmas lists.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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