** There’s no place like home. (Even if it IS a giant wreck of a mess.)
** My kids actually DO sorta kinda miss me when I’m not around. Who knew?!
** Someone needs to murder the smoke alarm in our attic. Seriously. Like, yesterday.
** Just because YOU’RE having a bad day does not mean that everyone else should, too.
** I wish I could make money as fast as I’m shelling it out to my kids this summer.
** Nobody seems to use turn signals anymore. WTF?!
** Though many applicants didn’t get the memo, the position of “Jackass” has already been filled.
** I’m starting to think “Death by Laundry” will be the title of my obituary.
** A nail fungus commercial is most definitely NOT something you wanna see while you’re eating dinner.
** The “dumb card” is severely overplayed.
** It is both exhilarating and infuriating to organize all your kids’ crap.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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