** Organization is not my middle name.
** My son has gone to the dark side (or at the very least the goofy side).
** A salad just isn’t a salad without an avocado.
** Having your line rodded is not as exciting as it may seem.
** I will never be Martha Stewart.
** Half days of school are bullshit.
** Poop talk is unfortunately the primary language spoken in my household.
** Shrinky Dinks really do shrink. Who knew?!
** I am never where I’m supposed to be at anywhere close to the right time.
** Giveaways make me giddy! (Have you entered mine yet?)
** Getting my kids to agree on something is like getting a politician to tell the truth.
** I think I’m in love with someone named Chocolate Cheerios.
** The males in my house would no doubt forget their balls if they weren’t attached to their bodies.
** I am not a big fan of strange men pissing in my toilets.
** People apparently get all heated about silly, insignificant things like pink toenails on a little boy.
** I’ve shelled out more money lately than a damn ATM.
** We have a basement FULL of toys, yet my kids claim to have “nothing to do.”
** The angels sing “Hallelujah” when I open up a bottle of wine.
** Mother Nature forgot to take her bipolar medication.
** Bedtime evidently equals party time.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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