Things I’ve Learned This Week

** My to -do list is in kahoots with Mother Nature to see who can drive me the batshit craziest.

•• Think VERY long and hard before letting a dog lick you in the face.

** I gave birth to aliens.

•• With his penis tricks and burping capabilities, my son will easily be the star of his fraternity some day.

** Asking for a drama-free morning in my house is like asking a nudist not to be naked.

** Packing for vacation is a total pain in the ass buzz kill.

** It’s best not to let the assholes take the reins.

** I’m apparently gonna look like a zombie for at least ten more years.

** Few people in this world have learned the importance of a good Listerine rinse.

** My brain is rotting away day by day.

** Piles of dog shit are trying to take over my neighborhood.

** Homework and wine go hand in hand.

** My eyelids really just prefer to be closed.

** It’s evidently always my fault.

** They’re serving crack at school now days.

** Four obnoxious kids in a car is an excellent reminder about the value of a good set of ear plugs.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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4 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. Mommyk8 says:

    That if you have kids or pets, at some point in your life, you’re going to be covered in shit.

  2. I always thought they served crack at school! Glad to know its universal!

    I learned that drinking alchohol at every meal “is a good thing!”

  3. Kelley says:

    I so needed to read this… I am in a grumpy mood (I’m not normally) & needed something to cheer up. Dog shit talk always does the trick.

  4. Veronica says:

    I learned that you can get mastitis at six months post partum. Cheers! Ohhh and the piles of dog shit omg people are the worst. Gather it up and sprinkle it on the offender’s lawn.

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