** Farting on me is apparently highly entertaining.
** My daughter is on a mission for me to go out and “buy” a baby.
** It’s all fun and games till a slobbery dog toy lands in your salad.
** If I end up passed out in a gutter at 3 a.m. this weekend, Charlie Sheen would categorize that as “winning”.
** I need to learn Korean so I can find out if my nail lady really is, in fact, making fun of me.
** It’s a very rare thing to actually be able to complete an entire thought around here.
** If no one is bleeding or dead, that is considered a successful day.
** Listening is a VERY foreign concept in my household.
** My car needs to have a cab fair meter installed in the dashboard.
** Being at four different places at the same time is a bit of a challenge to say the least.
** I need to find a job that involves wine tasting all day long.
** Technology cooperates with me about 5% of the time.
** If there is dirt/mud, my son will without a doubt be the first to find it.
** Dusting can suck it.
** Nighttime isn’t always the right time.
** Ear plugs are a parent’s best friend.
** I need to upgrade to a new referee uniform cause mine’s about worn out.
** “From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.” (Happy birthday, Dr. Seuss!)
** When all else fails, just have the children go out and play in traffic.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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