Things I’ve Learned This Week

** Farting on me is apparently highly entertaining.

** My daughter is on a mission for me to go out and “buy” a baby.

** It’s all fun and games till a slobbery dog toy lands in your salad.

** If I end up passed out in a gutter at 3 a.m. this weekend, Charlie Sheen would categorize that as “winning”.

** I need to learn Korean so I can find out if my nail lady really is, in fact, making fun of me.

** It’s a very rare thing to actually be able to complete an entire thought around here.

** If no one is bleeding or dead, that is considered a successful day.

** Listening is a VERY foreign concept in my household.

** My car needs to have a cab fair meter installed in the dashboard.

** Being at four different places at the same time is a bit of a challenge to say the least.

** I need to find a job that involves wine tasting all day long.

** Technology cooperates with me about 5% of the time.

** If there is dirt/mud, my son will without a doubt be the first to find it.

** Dusting can suck it.

** Nighttime isn’t always the right time.

** Ear plugs are a parent’s best friend.

** I need to upgrade to a new referee uniform cause mine’s about worn out.

** “From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.”  (Happy birthday, Dr. Seuss!)

** When all else fails, just have the children go out and play in traffic.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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14 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. Good learning week, I’d say. LOL.
    You are so right, dusting can suck it!

  2. Kat says:

    If you ever find that wine tasting job PLEASE let me know where to send my resume! Of course, all the farting I put up with has probably wrecked my palate….sigh

  3. Amy says:

    I’ve learned (this week and over and over)…

    …less is usually more

    …people are usually too concenred about themselves to even notice the things that you are so concerned about

    …traffic is only bad when you are late

    …no amount of reasoning with teenagers will change what they already “know”

    …no amount of face cream can beautify a scowl

    …don’t take yourself too seriously – no one else does!

  4. Keia says:

    Can I just say this is my list! This is great.

    Wanna hear something crazy? I colleague of mine recently stated, “He now knows why his dad use to always tell him and his siblings to go out and play in traffic.” I couldn’t believe it.

  5. Brandon says:

    I love these lists! You crack me up!

  6. Dusting can definitely suck it.

    Great list! I learned that drive-thru car washes are terrifying for small children. And also, it’s apparently frowned upon to attempt to sell a whiny preschooler. Huh.

  7. Kimberly says:

    I also learned that I can spend an entire Friday night chauffeuring children around town…while exhausted…and wishing I was home with a glass of cabernet.

  8. I can totally relate to each and everyone one of those things! This week I learned that while your son may love you to death while you search high and low for his favorite friend, once its found it’s a different story. He’s back to mommy knows nothing and I’ll do it my way. Gotta love it.

  9. I’m right along with you on needing to learn Korean. I’m starting to get paranoid!

    I learned that sitting for 3 1/2 hours at a middle school dodgeball tournament can really drive you to drink!


  10. Jackie says:

    Great list!

    I’m thankful my nail tech speaks English!

    I’ve learned that my son will wait to poop till I change his diaper. And then I change him and he does it again.
    I also learned that seat belts are pointless in high chairs & shopping carts because he climbs out no matter what!

  11. That starbucks are a bitch to get out of hair….just like gum!

  12. John says:

    Wonderful list – I speak just enough Spanish and just enough Greek to be dangerous. I started cracking up at a cafe in Athens when I heard the workers making fun of a tourist, so they switched to Spanish, and I continued laughing. The two of them thought I was some sort of linguistic savant.

    Oh, I do not look forward to changing my description from “working dad and part time wannabe musician” to “working dad and cabbie”. Not one iota.

  13. Let’s see. Mainly? That I’m running out of liquor much faster than I used to. MUCH faster. The owner of the liquor store is commenting on how fast my kid is growing. . . should I be concerned?

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      Hahahaha! That? Is hysterical! Thanks for giving me a giggle — my day could certainly use one! 🙂

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