** This household is a little too obsessed with man parts.
** Starbucks is calling their new XXL size a “Trenta” cause “big ass cup” would’ve been too easy.
** The American Girl store has completely brainwashed my daughter.
** Groupon has completely brainwashed my husband.
** The stench of ass is most certainly NOT want you want your fridge to smell like.
** If you build it, they will come………..and wreck it.
** The monkeys are gonna start flinging poo at me any day now.
** It’s all fun and games till the dog eats your allowance.
** The laundry is like the magazines I never have time to read — it all just piles up.
** Sometimes you just need a good ol’ PB&J.
** Frozen nipples are not a whole lot of fun.
** Advil PM should be named Advil All Freaking Day. Holy hangover!
** My eggs are never over-easy.
** The family truckster stays clean for about 1.5 seconds after a car wash.
** My to-do list is multiplying like the damn Duggar family.
** There are a shit ton of things that make me go hmmm.
** You can never ever hug your kids too much.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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