Things That Are Bullshit

If you’ve been riding my crazy train for any length of time, you know by now that I’m a big fan of making lists.  I don’t know why, but I feel like I’m accomplishing something just by creating them.  So, in the spirit of making personal progress, here’s another list that I’ve been putting together about THINGS THAT ARE BULLSHIT:

** Playing Christmas music the day after Halloween.

** Phones that don’t have caller id.

** Postal carriers who expect a holiday “gift” when they can’t even put my damn mail in the box.

** Elementary school-aged kids who wanna stay up later than their parents.

** Trees that don’t grow money.

** Stores who send me coupons AFTER I just spent a shit-ton of money there.

** Not getting paid to do manual labor all day every day.

** Diet ladies telling you to take one bite of a Christmas cookie and to then put it away.

** Cars who park right on friggin’ top of you in the parking lot.

** Wrapping a mountain of presents while my husband sits on the couch and snores.

** Mothers who tell you they love EVERYTHING about parenting.

** Daylight Savings Time — HELLO!  We’re not all farmers, ya know!

** Thin toilet paper — sorry, but my ass is WAY more precious than that.

** Automatic flushers that slosh water all over you.

** Celebrities who get books published simply because they’re famous (yes, you, Paris Hilton.)

** Chicks who say they stay in great shape simply by “chasing their kids around.”

** Dog owners who don’t take the time to scoop the poo.

** Socks that slip down in your boots when you walk.

** Squirrels.  You know why.

** Prescriptions that aren’t ready even though you called them in a day ago.

** Those “Your Baby Can Read” commercials — give me a freaking break, “Dr.” Robert Titzer.

** Having only 24 hours in a day.

** Racing around like a mad woman so much that I don’t even get to appreciate the holiday season.


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25 Responses to Things That Are Bullshit

  1. Tina says:

    my all time favorite….announcing your engagement on Facebook before telling your family

  2. TripleZmom says:

    I love your list. I would also like to add the bloated incomes of the jerks on Jersey Shore – should they really be making more money than teachers, cops, firefighters and most performers with talent?

  3. Janelle says:

    People who bitch about TSA agents. Don’t b that asshole. Its so the plane doesn’t blowup bc someone has a chip on their shoulder
    My husband wakes my sick ass at 630am bc he can’t find the children’s tights and I find them in obvious place in 30secs. And he can’t pass a comb through their hair!

  4. Lizzard72 says:

    Family members with no kids, who get pissy when you run late, have a boisterous child, or they get drooled on, and Then proceed to give you advice!

  5. whateva says:

    Pregnant girls who CONSTANTLY talk about how they have hardly gained any weight while pregnant…posting pictures of them selves every week with captions like ” 6 months preg…only 2 pounds gained!…9 months preg…only 15 pounds gained and still in my same jeans!”….

  6. Donna says:

    People that continually say they are “fat” when they wear a size 6. Spout about it when you are a size 20.

    Loved all of yours. Especially the presciptions one. Because it is true

  7. M says:

    I second the skinny pregnant chicks! Oh, and people who start posting pictures of their Christmas trees on Thanksgiving. My kids expect us to do that. It would be damn kindling by Christmas!

  8. Heather White says:

    When you call parents about an issue at school with their kid and they ask, “What you want me do to about it?”. Seriously? He/she is YOUR kid!!!!!

  9. Tears says:

    Love all listed. Love all contributed. Just want to add:

    raising a teenager.

  10. Tears says:

    oops, forgot to mention ~ your kids are angels compared to mine

  11. TheGlassPhoenix says:

    People who brake on the expressway. That’s how accidents happen.

  12. Wendakai says:

    Aww… I was gonna say skinny girls who feign shock at the very idea of eating one french fry because, of course, it will make them fat. Apparently many ppl are annoyed by the skinny, whiney thangs.

    And then there’s snow. Sure, it’s looks perdiful, all sparkly, fresh and pure… pure as the driven… well, you know. But WE HAVE TO LIVE AND GET AROUND HERE! Ahem… I’m fine. No… really. ;o/

  13. PortlandOrUsa says:

    *People who show up late to my aerobics class and stand right on top of you. So basically, people with no spatial awareness.
    *People who have to be heard in meetings , ect. whether they have anything important to say or not!!
    *All the things on your list.
    *Sadly, I could go on : )

  14. MichelleD says:

    People who text back ‘K’. Why waste the time and energy to say ‘K’? My husband is guilty of this about a billion times a day.

  15. Jen says:

    Get out of my brain. There’s barely enough room for ME in here, and if you’re coming to visit it, you need to bring wine.
    Idjits who get on the highway going under the speed limit. THIS.IS.HOW.PEOPLE.DIE. Get on going OVER the speed limit so you’ll match traffic speed. You’ll also keep my head from blowing the hell off and teaching my boys yet another “new” word.

  16. ChopperPapa says:

    Parents who live 36 feet from their kid’s school but feel the need to drive them there, causing me to sit in the drop off line for 3 hours.

  17. Katie says:

    OMFG, I HATE those Your Baby Can Read ads! So creepy! And should your 3 year old really be reading Charlotte’s Web even if she can? She’ll be traumatized for life!

  18. tulpen says:

    The fact the one has to actually DO yoga to have one’s ass look hot in f***ing yoga pants.

    Total Bullshit.

  19. tulpen says:


    Plus all the other stuff you said.

  20. Jared Karol says:

    My life is much better now that I’ve found your site. So, you’re saying that its’ not going to get any easier for me in three years when my almost two year old twins are five? WTF? Maybe I’m not glad I found your site. . . 🙂

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      Welcome aboard my crazy train! So glad you found me! As for it getting easier, it definitely does get easier when they’re five. That was actually one of my favorite ages. That being said though, there is never ever a dull moment. I often feel like I’m in the jungle & have to watch my back all the time. Hope to keep ya coming back for more & more of my nucking futty ramblings! 😉

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