Things I’ve Learned This Week

** People still haven’t figured out that antlers on your car scream “Jackass on Board.”

** Screw the fake.  I miss having a real Christmas tree.

** Gray hairs are a total smack in the face.  (As if I need yet another reminder that gettin’ old ain’t pretty.)

** If I don’t get back into my regular workout routine, I may very well kill a unicorn.

** Grandma and/or Grandpa Moses ALWAYS pull out in front of me when I’m in a hurry.

** The Scotch tape needs to be kept under lock and key in this house.

** If I had a dollar for every time I cut myself shaving my legs, I could afford the electrolysis that I so obviously need.

** Deodorant application should be mandatory for gym memberships.

** Swimming with sharks in a meat bikini would be more fun than helping a stubborn second grader with homework.

** I forget about ten things I’m supposed to do on a daily basis.

** When you’re a parent, sleep is like sex — ya never ever get it enough.

** As much as I wish it didn’t, Sephora kinda intimidates the hell outta me.

** Sorry Rolling Stones, but time is NOT on my side.

** My children are apparently nocturnal.

** Little dirty socks somehow always find their way onto the kitchen counter.

** The condom machine in the men’s bathroom is something that I’m not quite ready to explain to a seven year old.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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7 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. Chanel says:

    I learned that my dog’s tummy can’t handle black eye peas. My daughter fed some to our dog. The next day when we got home from work; Missy had left us little ‘Christmas presents” all over the living room.

  2. T says:

    If my guy goes somewhere with his mom “we will be back in 2 hours”…really means at least 5 hours!! >.<
    Also, when I am sick, no one is there to take care of me. Yet when anyone else is sick, you would think my name is Cinderella.

  3. ang says:

    i learned that a 5yr remembers every single thing u say or do
    and that well kids never stop asking the ?s

  4. Reid Adair says:

    I learned that even if your artificial tree is pre-lit, you better have a fool-proof system for labeling how all the plugs for the lights are supposed to connect.

    Otherwise, you get the urge to throw the damn thing off the back deck.

  5. ChopperPapa says:

    Don’t worry about the workout for now. The new year is around the corner, you can start back then.

    I can’t wait until they all sign up, I won’t be able to get a workout bench or a cardio machine until April.

  6. Ladyof3 says:

    I have learned that I am supposed to know where everything is in my house, even if it doesn’t belong to me or I’ve never seen it before!

  7. jill says:

    i learned that home would crumble without me! all hail the moms.

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