Things I’ve Learned This Week

** Every day should smell like Thanksgiving.

** Sweatpants should be the required attire for disgustingly large meals.

** I don’t care what they’re sellin’ — there’s no toy worth getting up at 4 a.m. to buy.

** My son’s hand is only off his penis when he’s sleeping (and sometimes not even then).

** I’m not designed to ride in a car for long periods at a time.

** The smell of stale chicken grease in your hair is not at all sexy.

** Uggs should be hidden out of sight from Goatdog at all times.

** My daughter REALLY loves money.

** Pantyhose can suck it.

** Despite how it looks, sometimes I forget that I don’t REALLY live in a fraternity house.

** Telling your kid to eat all his carrots can result in him shoving all 5 of ’em in his mouth at the same time.  Scary.

** Males are conveniently narcoleptic at the most inopportune times.

** Wet willies are awesome — when they happen to someone else.

** I do not rock at crossword puzzles.

** Dragging my husband along on a trip to Target squeezes all the fun right outta the experience.

** My son is thankful for my vagina.  Don’t ask.

** “Planes, Trains & Automobiles” can still make me laugh after the 10 billionth time of seeing it.

** Too much tryptophan can do a number on you when you only have one remaining brain cell.

** Size DOES matter, especially when we’re talkin’ hair dryers.

** Our family mantra should be “We don’t eat our boogers.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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2 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. Ally says:

    You are right, size DOES matter in hairdryers! The wrong hair dryer and I could be drying for hours. I feel the same way about Black Friday, and I’m not sure I own any pantyhose… This was a great list! love it!

  2. ChopperPapa says:

    “My son’s hand is only off his penis when he’s sleeping (and sometimes not even then).”

    I’m not sure that ever really goes away as men get older.

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