** Every day should smell like Thanksgiving.
** Sweatpants should be the required attire for disgustingly large meals.
** I don’t care what they’re sellin’ — there’s no toy worth getting up at 4 a.m. to buy.
** My son’s hand is only off his penis when he’s sleeping (and sometimes not even then).
** I’m not designed to ride in a car for long periods at a time.
** The smell of stale chicken grease in your hair is not at all sexy.
** Uggs should be hidden out of sight from Goatdog at all times.
** My daughter REALLY loves money.
** Pantyhose can suck it.
** Despite how it looks, sometimes I forget that I don’t REALLY live in a fraternity house.
** Telling your kid to eat all his carrots can result in him shoving all 5 of ’em in his mouth at the same time. Scary.
** Males are conveniently narcoleptic at the most inopportune times.
** Wet willies are awesome — when they happen to someone else.
** I do not rock at crossword puzzles.
** Dragging my husband along on a trip to Target squeezes all the fun right outta the experience.
** My son is thankful for my vagina. Don’t ask.
** “Planes, Trains & Automobiles” can still make me laugh after the 10 billionth time of seeing it.
** Too much tryptophan can do a number on you when you only have one remaining brain cell.
** Size DOES matter, especially when we’re talkin’ hair dryers.
** Our family mantra should be “We don’t eat our boogers.”
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
<< SO WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>