Why do I feel like homework time is nothing but an exercise in patience for the PARENTS??!! I don’t know about you, but I despise this time of the day even more than when my alarm clock goes off in the morning. (And I LOATHE the crack of dawn, y’all!) It seems that helping my kids with their homework never ever ends with anyone feeling any sense of accomplishment whatsoever. It’s more like we all wanna rip each other’s heads off and eat ’em for dinner by the time we finally wrap things up.
And what’s a total party in a half is when one of your twins consistently has homework, and the other one doesn’t. Yeah, you try explaining the justification in that shit. How in the world am I supposed to explain why Twin A has to sit down and do her homework while Twin B gets to play math games on the computer? I’m pretty sure the people in the next town over can even hear the cries of “That’s sooooooooo not fair!!!!!”
Out of all the subjects, though, I’m quite certain that reading is the one subject that will most likely be the cause of all the extra wrinkles in my damn forehead. I swear to Kendall Jackson that I have to refrain from shooting myself in the face while I try to patiently wait for words to be sounded out. How the hell do these first and second grade teachers do it??!! They must be born with a certain kind of patience gene that I am clearly missing. I have to physically bite my tongue so that I don’t just shout out the frickin’ words. It’s “ahead“, dammit! The mother buckin’ word is “ahead” for the love of God!!
I’m sure it doesn’t help matters much that homework time comes at a point in the day where I’m just ready to hang up my collection of hats. By then, I’ve refereed one too many a fight, chauffeured more than my fair share of carpools, and assisted in wiping WAY more poopers than one woman should EVER have to wipe — yeah, it’s time to put a fork in me cause I am D-O-N-E. This is the very moment when Papa Nucking Futs needs to make his grand entrance into our home and take the reins. Giddy up, Daddy-O, you, my friend, are on!