Homework Can Kiss My Ass

Why do I feel like homework time is nothing but an exercise in patience for the PARENTS??!!  I don’t know about you, but I despise this time of the day even more than when my alarm clock goes off in the morning.  (And I LOATHE the crack of dawn, y’all!)  It seems that helping my kids with their homework never ever ends with anyone feeling any sense of accomplishment whatsoever.  It’s more like we all wanna rip each other’s heads off and eat ‘em for dinner by the time we finally wrap things up.

And what’s a total party in a half is when one of your twins consistently has homework, and the other one doesn’t.  Yeah, you try explaining the justification in that shit.  How in the world am I supposed to explain why Twin A has to sit down and do her homework while Twin B gets to play math games on the computer?  I’m pretty sure the people in the next town over can even hear the cries of “That’s sooooooooo not fair!!!!!

Out of all the subjects, though, I’m quite certain that reading is the one subject that will most likely be the cause of all the extra wrinkles in my damn forehead.  I swear to Kendall Jackson that I have to refrain from shooting myself in the face while I try to patiently wait for words to be sounded out.  How the hell do these first and second grade teachers do it??!!  They must be born with a certain kind of patience gene that I am clearly missing.  I have to physically bite my tongue so that I don’t just shout out the frickin’ words.  It’s “ahead“, dammit!  The mother buckin’ word is “ahead” for the love of God!!

I’m sure it doesn’t help matters much that homework time comes at a point in the day where I’m just ready to hang up my collection of hats.  By then, I’ve refereed one too many a fight, chauffeured more than my fair share of carpools, and assisted in wiping WAY more poopers than one woman should EVER have to wipe — yeah, it’s time to put a fork in me cause I am D-O-N-E.  This is the very moment when Papa Nucking Futs needs to make his grand entrance into our home and take the reins.  Giddy up, Daddy-O, you, my friend, are on!

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9 Responses to Homework Can Kiss My Ass

  1. MommytheMaid says:

    Homework time is hell. I don’t understand most of what my 7th grader has brought home since about 3rd grade and my kindergartner is already starting to ask what the point of homework is.

  2. stacy says:

    LOL!!! you make me laugh so hard reading these posts… i couldn’t agree absolutely 100% more. 5:30/6. I’m done.. DUN and then let’s sound out words; practice spelling and read books.. yippeee.. NOT! The other night i had to find an item w/a pattern on it to take to school.. a pattern.. here’s my pattern.. same thing day after day makes me nuts! Is it wrong that i can’t wait for winter break already???????? :-0

  3. I am SO in agreement with this!

    Didn’t a whole bunch of us make it to college and have fairly successful lives without having had homework until about junior high? What changed?

    Homework. Completely. Sucks.

  4. Holly B says:

    Hilarious!! Makes me glad that I only have one left in school – graduates this year – not that, that really matters much…….. Ive not been able to help her with it for a few years now. Ive been out of school for waaayyy too long.

  5. Amy-Brooke says:

    Sweet momma’s unit- I could have written that exact thing on the reading!!! I am so friggin tired of sitting there listening to words being “sounded out” or “guessed” half the time by my lazy ‘Boy Wonder’! UGH!!! I am beginning each time with the best of intentions and within minutes looking for my Xanax or making sure there is wine available to have with dinner!!!! You SURE your not a fly on my wall in Jersey some days??? LOL

  6. Megan says:

    I also would rather stick forks in my eyeballs than deal with 7th grade homework. I feel like a complete idiot because I have to google ( thank God for google) every single math concept my son brings home. His teacher offers tutoring every Thursday and I almost went in to observe, I mean figure out what the hell all these a+b-x+c x pi is all about. Holy shit my head hurts just thinking about when he takes freaking Geometry. There may beblood

  7. Lisa says:

    Are you sure you do not video tape my life then write about it like its your own? LMAO! HOLY HANNAH!!! It seems like every blog you write hits the nail on the head! So maybe I’m not crazy…or are we????

  8. tricia says:

    Gah, gah, Gah – I hear you friend. It’s the witching hour so it is, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Not to mention doing it first thing after a snack when they’re tired or waiting till they played a bit first and then never getting them in. We’ve settled on getting it done upfront, but oh my gad, the drama!! I am as much to blame as they are about this part. I hate the kind of homework they bring home – in my opininon mindless drivel that doesn’t help one bit.
    The reading will come though – keep biting your tongue, cos before you know it, they’ll be fluent, just like that. I remember feeling frustrated as a teacher when I taught second grade – but it’s worse being a parent because you’re not paid to sit through all the sounding out that goes on. Thanks for the laugh, loved your new post too – don’t get enough time to read your blog these days, but plan to change that. Enjoy your weekend, hopefully no projects – ha ha!

  9. Heather says:

    LMAO, and our son is only 9 months old. So this is what I have to look forward to… ;>)

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