The “Pink” Elephant in the Bed

My kids have never been big snugglers.  As much as I’ve wanted them to crawl into my bed, snuggle up and fall fast asleep next to me, they just never have.  They wiggle, they giggle, they kick, and they poke me — not exactly my idea of getting cozy.  Therefore, I’ve just written this whole idea off altogether.  My husband and I have had to accept the fact that we just don’t have snuggly kids.  That’s why I’ve never thought a thing about the fact that I prefer to sleep commando.  It was never an issue…until last week, that is.

It was way way too early in the morning one shiny day when I felt a tiny little finger tapping my forehead over and over and over again, which, by the way, is SUCH an unpleasant way to be woken up.  I was jerked right out of my peaceful, pleasant slumber to find my son standing over me.  Before I could fully grasp just what was happening, he was climbing over the top of me and underneath the covers.  Sounds like a picture perfect family moment, eh?  Yeah, it totally would have been EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I WAS BUCK FREAKING NAKED FROM THE WAIST DOWN!!!  Awkward much?

I quickly tried to distract the kid from noticing that his mama’s vertical smile was totally out and about.  I cracked some jokes, told some stories, and did everything but shove him to the other damn side of the bed to avoid the white (or in this case, “pink”) elephant in the room, er, um, bed.  Luckily, my husband woke up just in time to scoop him out of there for a big ol’ daddy hug.  Thank God for small miracles and for my hubby having a clue for once.

Ok, so, sure, maybe I was being a little overly paranoid, but I didn’t really feel like answering a barrage of questions about why Mommy’s Polly Pocket was bare in the bed next to Daddy.  My brain just doesn’t work quickly that early in the morning.  I’ve since learned to keep a pair of shorts in close proximity to my side of the bed on the off-chance that one of our pip-squeaks makes an unexpected visit.  Apparently, my vajayjay can never be too prepared….

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12 Responses to The “Pink” Elephant in the Bed

  1. I have those moments. I hate sleeping with a shirt on, it just feels uncomfortable. So on the weekends I turn into a light sleeper. I have trained my ears to catch the slightest sound and I immediately pull the covers up over my boobs. I’ll admit that sometimes I’m slower then my little angel but most morning it works out. I have tried sleeping in a tank and a sports bra but nothing works I just can’t wear a top…hubby has never complained.

  2. Donna says:

    hahahaha. too freaking funny.

    i love the cartoon. that’s how I felt at the high school reunion.

  3. Troy Newhouse says:

    Kids in the house has changed the way I sleep. I always slept commando before and now I get strangled on a daily basis. Can’t believe it took this long for the moment to happen.
    Great story, has happened to me more than once.

  4. The Ninja says:

    First time over, and this was HEElarious!! LMAO! I have not yet had that issue…of course, I wouldn’t let hubby near my vajayjay with his 3″ pole.

  5. erin says:

    pink elephant….perfect. I know I can always count on you for a giggle!

  6. hubman says:

    This is why Veronica and I have a lock on the bedroom door!

  7. RosieWoman says:

    I have always slept commando and up until a year or two ago didn’t care if our son saw me naked. Now that our son is 8 y.o., hubby has guilted me into not walking around the house unclothed (oh alright, running to the laundry room unclothed). The kiddo now knows that if he comes in our bedroom regardless of the time of day, there’s a chance I will be naked, and its up to him if he wants to take that chance. LOL

  8. Micki says:

    We are in so much trouble!!! we both sleep in the buff most of the time… so far, it hasn’t been a problem… but he’s just 3 and I usually hear him coming before he gets to the door so that I can throw on a nightie…

  9. Kate Edmonds says:

    This is why I sleep in PJ’s lol

  10. oooh youz a freak lady!

  11. jacquie says:

    That’s bloody funny!
    I’m sure there are some tree-huggin hippies out there who will say it’s all natural but since you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube (or the visual of mommy’s pink bits out of your life-long mental photo gallery) I think erring on the side of caution is very sensible!

  12. Dolli says:

    Three words…lock-the-door. That’s what we do because everyone from the 6 year old to the (almost) 18 year old doesn’t hesistate to barge into our room if the door is unlocked.

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