My kids have never been big snugglers. As much as I’ve wanted them to crawl into my bed, snuggle up and fall fast asleep next to me, they just never have. They wiggle, they giggle, they kick, and they poke me — not exactly my idea of getting cozy. Therefore, I’ve just written this whole idea off altogether. My husband and I have had to accept the fact that we just don’t have snuggly kids. That’s why I’ve never thought a thing about the fact that I prefer to sleep commando. It was never an issue…until last week, that is.
It was way way too early in the morning one shiny day when I felt a tiny little finger tapping my forehead over and over and over again, which, by the way, is SUCH an unpleasant way to be woken up. I was jerked right out of my peaceful, pleasant slumber to find my son standing over me. Before I could fully grasp just what was happening, he was climbing over the top of me and underneath the covers. Sounds like a picture perfect family moment, eh? Yeah, it totally would have been EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I WAS BUCK FREAKING NAKED FROM THE WAIST DOWN!!! Awkward much?
I quickly tried to distract the kid from noticing that his mama’s vertical smile was totally out and about. I cracked some jokes, told some stories, and did everything but shove him to the other damn side of the bed to avoid the white (or in this case, “pink”) elephant in the room, er, um, bed. Luckily, my husband woke up just in time to scoop him out of there for a big ol’ daddy hug. Thank God for small miracles and for my hubby having a clue for once.
Ok, so, sure, maybe I was being a little overly paranoid, but I didn’t really feel like answering a barrage of questions about why Mommy’s Polly Pocket was bare in the bed next to Daddy. My brain just doesn’t work quickly that early in the morning. I’ve since learned to keep a pair of shorts in close proximity to my side of the bed on the off-chance that one of our pip-squeaks makes an unexpected visit. Apparently, my vajayjay can never be too prepared….