Things I've Learned This Week

** There are seven days in a week?  Really?

** A boomerang does NOT belong on the kitchen counter.

** Nor does it belong on the toilet.

** My neighbor’s name is Pete, not Joe.  (Maybe that’s why he’s given me weird looks all these years?)

** I should stop buying dog biscuits & just give the dog what he really wants — dryer sheets.

** Ice cream makes everything better.

** Sunscreen is EXTREMELY important.  If only I’d learned this as a teenager….

** All I need is a whip and some elephants & this house would truly be a three-ring circus.

** Fitted sheets can kiss my ass — they’re just not meant to be folded.

** My kids STILL haven’t figured out that I’m not a morning person.

** I need to wear earplugs until at least 9 a.m.

** The male version of camel toe is called moose knuckle.

** The skateboards on my front porch are apparently permanent fixtures.

** My kids have no clue how to get toothpaste on their damn toothbrushes.

** I’m allergic to housework.

** There’s a whole forest of trees in my son’s backpack from all the homework papers he’s failed to turn in.

** Sometimes there IS crying in baseball.

** Bedtime is a foreign concept to me anymore.  < yawn >

** Parenting can break your heart.

** I should avoid Checkout Lane 5 at the grocery store at all possible costs.

** I can’t remember anything anymore.

** Crap, I forgot what I was gonna say.

** If stupid is as stupid does, then I am a complete idiot.

** Shit NEVER EVER gets done around here.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<<  WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK??????  >>

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14 Responses to Things I've Learned This Week

  1. Eric says:

    As soon as I figure out how to fold fitted sheets I am going to move on to solving world hunger — b/c surely that has to be easier.

    • SL22268 says:

      There is a YouTube video on how to fold a fitted sheet – I can’t post it as YouTube is blocke here at work, but you can search for it. I watched it….and promptly still wadded into a ball and shoved it in a drawer, lol

      • mama2point0 says:

        Sadly, I’ve also watched that video & got nothing out of it. Martha Stewart may be the only successful person on earth at folding a fitted sheet.

      • Rob F says:

        I’ve done the same ting with the videos. Tried practicing on fitted crib sheets (which I thought would be manageable) and couldn’t even do those. All the time those king sheets are crumpled on the guest bed, silently mocking me.

    • mama2point0 says:

      Anything is easier than folding fitted sheets. That is why mine are always in a ball in the drawer. Screw ’em.

  2. SL22268 says:

    I look forward to these posts every Friday. Makes me feel like I’m not alone in this world. While I don’t have twins, I can certainly relate to a lot of your “discoveries” 🙂 Thanks for being a part of my Friday “routine” 🙂 🙂

  3. pigletmommy says:

    I learned that you never leave a too intelligent for his own good 3 yr old anywhere near a toaster. He made toast. while I was in the living room thinking he was going potty.

  4. MommyLisa says:

    Ugh fitted sheets suk a$$! I wish I could write a post like this today – but I feel like crud buckets.

  5. Melissa (@adventuroo) says:

    Oh that is some funny shit! And that POSTER! demotivational posters are the best!

  6. Jasmine says:

    Dang. I was supposed to be learning something this week? Oops.

  7. jessica says:

    Hahaah! Fitted sheets ARE the worst! I gave up trying to fold them and now just roll them up and shove them in a pillow case. And my kids get toothpaste ON the brush, but the BRUSH never actually makes it IN their mouths!!!

  8. I learned that no matter how many times I clean and organize my laundry room, my husband is just going to screw it up!

  9. sylvestwalsh says:

    I learned that the phone NEVER rings until my britches are down around my ankles and I’m sitting on the toilet!

    Please come by an read the realities of my week at:
    http://sylvestwalsh.wordpress.com/2010/05/29/reality-check-004/ I would love your input!

    Talk to you later!

  10. Dirty cloth diapers left in the diaper bag will NOT clean themselves.

    And yes, that poo smell is probably coming from said diaper bag.

    or the kid.

    And possibly me. Because of the kid. I hope.

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