So you may or may not know that I generally HATE it when people send me chain letters that I’m supposed to forward on to ten people immediately or suffer the lightning bolt that’s sure to strike me down. I mean, for shit’s sakes, I already have enough to worry about without wondering when God’s gonna plow me over with a fleet of semis when I least expect it! However, I was recently “tagged” by my friend @jterzieff on Twitter to share ten things that make me happy, and I was surprisingly interested in playing along. So, here goes:
1. A clean house — Lame? Perhaps, but you have to understand that my house is truly clean maybe twice a month and that’s as soon as my cleaning ladies shut the door behind them. The floors are sparkly, the toilet seats are free of piss splatters, I can actually see my kitchen countertops, and everybody’s crap is shoved into their perspective corners. All is right with the world…at least until the dog chews up the rug, the hubby piles up six pairs of shoes in the foyer, and the kids shoot Nerf bullets all over the damn dining room.
2. A prompt Thursday delivery of my Us magazine — So, yeah, maybe I don’t always know the state of the union or how much the Dow rose, but by gosh, I can certainly tell you “Who Wore It Best” on most weekends if my stinkin’ magazine arrives in a timely fashion. And since my children prevent me from EVER finishing a frickin’ article in one sitting, it tends to take me at least an entire weekend to get through an issue. So, a Thursday arrival is totally key.
3. Sleeping in when it rains — Ok, so maybe this is just a pipe dream of mine since we all know that being a parent makes it impossible to EVER sleep in, whether it’s raining or not, but the tiny sliver of memory that I do still have left in my brain tells me that this once made me VERY happy.
4. Wine — Settle down now. There’s no need to go contacting that A&E “Intervention” show or anything. I just so happen to totally dig smashed grapes, so sue me. I have a feeling that in another life I lived on a vineyard.
5. Holding my kids’ hands — I know that soon enough they’re gonna be ordering me to pick them up a mile away to avoid being seen with me, so I cherish every single moment that I get to nestle their little hands in mine. Pure and simple bliss.
6. A parking meter with time still left on it — It’s a total pain in the ass to dig through my black hole of a purse to try and locate some spare change among all the damn Legos, Polly Pockets, and granola bars, so finding a meter that has a spare ten minutes on it is like barely making a green light for this lady.
7. Working out — Breaking a sweat is both physically and mentally good for me. It’s either that or I’m forced to open up a can of Whoop Ass on the entire world around me, and I just really don’t think the neighbors would go for that.
8. Professional massages — When I don’t have to bribe my kids with a quarter to rub my back or nudge my nodding off hubby to knead my aching shoulders, it’s all good in the hood. Hell, I don’t even need a flippin’ happy ending or anything — I just need someone to stay awake while they’re rubbing me down.
9. “Modern Family” — Don’t tell me you haven’t seen this show! It’s absolutely hysterical! And there really aren’t that many funny sitcoms left on t.v. these days, in my opinion, so finding one that has SUCH good writing is like coming across a diamond in the rough. Life is a whole lot more bearable if you can laugh your way through it.
10. Finishing this list — My brain is tired, people! Too much thinking can be dangerous to your health — at least to mine anyway.
** I’m supposed to pass this on to ten other bloggers who I think will play along, which I’m hesitant to do since I’m not a big fan of death threats. That being said, here are just a few who I hope will humor me (or at least go easy on me when they kill me):