Know the great thing about being stuck in a car with your family for 22 hours? Yeah, me neither. I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a car by myself for 22 hours, let alone two fighting siblings who have car sickness tendencies and a husband who doesn’t believe in stopping for bathroom breaks. Nevertheless, that’s just what I found myself doing this past weekend as we loaded up the family truckster to make our way down to Florida for spring break.
With the car weighted down with snacks, DVD’s, video games, magazines, and 5,000 bags of luggage, we set off on the 1300 mile trek. And sure enough, the “Are we there yet?” chants started in before we even made it out of downtown Chicago. (Ok, so I’ll admit that I might have been a part of the chanting squad too, so don’t judge.) What the holy hell did we do to pass all that time, you ask? Well, my son was happier than Tiger Woods at a whore house since he got to play his Nintendo DS for literally eleven straight hours that day. I don’t know how on earth the kid didn’t develop a permanent crick in his neck from looking down for so long. My daughter watched movie after movie, while I tweeted away the miles on my phone. We were all doing a happy dance when we finally stopped for the night in Tennessee.
Surprisingly, the pukes didn’t set in until day two of our journey, when I happened to glance in the back seat to find my daughter looking like Casper the ghost. I somehow managed to grab a plastic bag just in time to catch her tossed cookies. And I gotta say that the girl’s a freaking rock star, too, because she downed a McD’s cheeseburger less than thirty minutes later and kept it down the whole rest of the way. I also shocked myself in somehow managing to read three Us magazines in the car without feeling like I was gonna polish my shoes.
By the time we FINALLY got to Florida, we were all cross-eyed, jelly-legged, and pretty freaking sick of each other, and our car looked like a damn battle field with all the food wrappers, crumbs and water bottles strung about. But HALLE-FLIPPING-LUJAH! We had finally reached our destination! And the thanks we’ve gotten in return for those 22 hours of blood, sweat, and tears? Two days of clouds and now rain — Mother Nature better get out of her bitchy mood, or I may have to punch a moose in the face.