You know that saying, “Curiosity killed the cat?” Well, I’m quite certain that phrase would apply to me if I ever did choose to throw caution to the wind and get naked with my bad self on a nude beach. I must admit that deep-down I actually do have a desire to see what it’s like to lounge around in my birthday suit amongst the sea gulls and other beachgoers. It just seems like it would be so liberating and refreshing, not to mention the awesome line-free tan I’d get as a result. However, it would be just my luck that my sweet little moment of liberation would be completely pooped on by some unexpected outside force.
I speak somewhat from experience when I say that I see this whole scenario playing out in a glass half-empty type of outcome. You see, back in my pre-kids teaching days, I was lying on the beach one summer afternoon in my itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini when I happened to see a group of students heading my way. Considering that these boys, who were packing serious hormones in their pants, would, in fact, be occupying my classroom in just a few short weeks, I practically dug a hole and buried myself in the sand to avoid making eye-contact with them. I could just picture the first week of school and having to stand up in front of these boys and expect them to take me seriously. Thank God I’d grabbed my oversized beach towel that day so that I could roll up in it like a hot dog in a bun. I was taking no chances.
Regardless, though, I can’t help but be a little bit curious about stripping down all the way. I know it would be just my fortune, however, that I’d end up like this poor woman my mom heard about from a patient at the dentist office where she works. This lady, a teacher in the midwest, was on a cruise ship that happened to stop at a topless beach one day. She figured what the hell and adapted to the “when in Rome” philosophy by whipping her top off. As she was lying there in all her unveiled glory, she suddenly heard a voice calling her name. When she opened her eyes, she saw the parent of one of her students standing over the top of her and her bare boobs. I’m pretty sure that she died right then and there of embarrassment, causing a ridiculously painful sunburn on her ariolas. Can you even imagine the awkwardness of THAT parent/teacher conference?!
That poor woman’s story is something that would totally happen to me. You’ve read enough about all the stupid shit that happens to me to know that this is true. However, the older I get, the less I care about what people think, so maybe I’ll just get crazy and streak the beach when we go down to visit my mother-in-law in Florida for spring break. I may give an old-timer or two a heart-attack, but hey, it might just be worth that tiny burst of freedom, don’t ya think?