Baring It All

     You know that saying, “Curiosity killed the cat?”  Well, I’m quite certain that phrase would apply to me if I ever did choose to throw caution to the wind and get naked with my bad self on a nude beach.  I must admit that deep-down I actually do have a desire to see what it’s like to lounge around in my birthday suit amongst the sea gulls and other beachgoers.  It just seems like it would be so liberating and refreshing, not to mention the awesome line-free tan I’d get as a result.  However, it would be just my luck that my sweet little moment of liberation would be completely pooped on by some unexpected outside force.

     I speak somewhat from experience when I say that I see this whole scenario playing out in a glass half-empty type of outcome.  You see, back in my pre-kids teaching days, I was lying on the beach one summer afternoon in my itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini when I happened to see a group of students heading my way.  Considering that these boys, who were packing serious hormones in their pants, would, in fact, be occupying my classroom in just a few short weeks, I practically dug a hole and buried myself in the sand to avoid making eye-contact with them.  I could just picture the first week of school and having to stand up in front of these boys and expect them to take me seriously.  Thank God I’d grabbed my oversized beach towel that day so that I could roll up in it like a hot dog in a bun.  I was taking no chances.

     Regardless, though, I can’t help but be a little bit curious about stripping down all the way.  I know it would be just my fortune, however, that I’d end up like this poor woman my mom heard about from a patient at the dentist office where she works.  This lady, a teacher in the midwest, was on a cruise ship that happened to stop at a topless beach one day.  She figured what the hell and adapted to the “when in Rome” philosophy by whipping her top off. As she was lying there in all her unveiled glory, she suddenly heard a voice calling her name.  When she opened her eyes, she saw the parent of one of her students standing over the top of her and her bare boobs.  I’m pretty sure that she died right then and there of embarrassment, causing a ridiculously painful sunburn on her ariolas.  Can you even imagine the awkwardness of THAT parent/teacher conference?!

     That poor woman’s story is something that would totally happen to me.  You’ve read enough about all the stupid shit that happens to me to know that this is true.  However, the older I get, the less I care about what people think, so maybe I’ll just get crazy and streak the beach when we go down to visit my mother-in-law in Florida for spring break.  I may give an old-timer or two a heart-attack, but hey, it might just be worth that tiny burst of freedom, don’t ya think?

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8 Responses to Baring It All

  1. emorockstar says:

    you know they do have special beaches, resorts, etc. so that you can do it without having to worry about the ‘clothed’ ones stomping all over your adventure.

    i guess it could be fun :)

  2. Sabrina says:

    haha, I grew up in a society where this was totally normal. Meeting friends, neighbours, employers, teachers etc. naked on the beach. My parents and all the others just didn´t care. We were children so it was not a big deal to run around naked. Crazy GDR and its FKK beaches (FKK=Freie Körperkultur=free body culture!!!). We are still quite open to it here in Germany.

  3. kiki says:

    i think it would be exhilarating to walk around topless at a beach. i would never go full monty, though. when i traveled to Italy at 18, many of the women were topless on the beach. the French women i was traveling with also took off their tops. i just couldn’t do it. i was too bashful. plus, i had a crush on one of the guys and was too worried he would judge me. so i was the stuffy, uptight American on that trip. thanks for sharing and take care.

  4. Dolli says:

    I sunbathed topless in Mexico on our honeymoon on the beach. I couldn’t walk around like that as some women did, nor could I do it by the pool at our resort. It Was a funny feeling when one of the waiters would stop and ask if you wanted a drink. But I figured they’d seen it all and then some. I liked not having tan lines, then hubby told me later he finds tan lines sexy.

  5. meredith says:

    I did it in Venezuela and it is indeed sublime. I love the idea of people sunbathing topless, it’s the game of beach paddle ball being played by the half naked German couple that made me want to hurl on this particular trip.
    I say go head and go topless or nude on the beach…just stay on your towel.

  6. The shit that happens to you would totally happen to me. I don’t have the care free attitude needed – not yet. I probably won’t do it when I’m an old hag, either. Who wants to see it then? I have family that do the whole nudist thing…totally not for me. I have no desire. I guess I’m uptight like that. If you’re into it, though, I say go for it! I’d wait for a closed, invite-only kinda resort. ;0)

  7. MaineMom says:

    When I lived in Key West, my friend and I would lay out topless at one of the gay resorts. You could always tell who the straight guys were b/c they would be 1) fully clothed and 2) wearing sunglasses so they could check out the topless chicks.

    It was truly liberating and after awhile it becomes “normal” feeling. I say FREE THE TA TA’s!!!

  8. J says:

    In the EU they used to call me nature boy…;-)

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