** There’s nothing like having your kids barge into your bathroom and present you with a Valentine while you’re standing there buck naked.
** I’d be better off shaving my legs with a chain saw than a brand new Lady Bic.
** This latest polar vortex has made my mood more bitter than the air.
** I never thought I’d be wearing a hat and mittens INSIDE my house.
** Our disappearing iPhone chargers must be hanging out with our missing socks.
** Red velvet cupcakes are one of the few things more seductive than Channing Tatum’s abs.
** Insomnia always shows up to the party even when she’s uninvited. She’s such a bitch.
** It’s a lot easier to fall into the rabbit hole than it is to climb out of it.
** Hair aches — they’re real, and they HURT, people.
** Some days I’m not sure if the homework is for me or for my kids.
** It’ll be a miracle if I pass sixth grade.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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