Things I’ve Learned This Week


** If my kids overflow one more toilet around here, they’re getting an outhouse for Christmas.

** I could really use an elf.

** Getting Christmas cards in the mail is so much better than getting bills in the mail.

** Antlers are for reindeer, NOT for cars.

** It’s no fun to be stalked by a bitch named Insomnia.

** The squeaky wheel gets the oil (and sometimes a free snowboard rental!)

** People sure seem to enjoy pooping at my house.

** You know you’re losing it when you totally forget your kid’s rescheduled dental appointment from the first time you forgot it.

** Evidently, the holidays make everyone forget how to park.

** Kenny Rogers was right about knowing when to fold ’em.

** Just hearing the word “lice” makes my head itch.

** Santa may very well need to rob a bank (and possibly a liquor store) after looking at this year’s Christmas lists.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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