Things I’ve Learned This Week


** Finding evidence of sleep around here is like finding a dinosaur bone.

** If you know whether you’re coming or going, you’re a lot better off than me.

** My warm climate-dwelling friends may find me knocking on their doors for a very LONG visit soon.

** Apparently, Bill Cosby is yet another member of the ever-growing douchebag population.

** Cleaning up overflowing toilets is NOT what I signed up to do.

** The holiday season seems to bring out the inner asshole in all of us.

** Finding out your bedroom door does not actually lock anymore can be rather humiliating for a parent.

** My eyes really shouldn’t be trusted with nighttime driving responsibilities.

** I don’t care how amazing her voice is — a nun singing “Like a Virgin”┬áis just freaking creepy.

** A rock would be able to reiterate the things I say better than my family on most days.

** It’s super fun when your kids lose their crap and blame YOU for “misplacing” it.

** If there were a job that required people to do nothing but bitch, a crazy long line of applicants would be ready to clock in.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.




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