** Finding evidence of sleep around here is like finding a dinosaur bone.
** If you know whether you’re coming or going, you’re a lot better off than me.
** My warm climate-dwelling friends may find me knocking on their doors for a very LONG visit soon.
** Apparently, Bill Cosby is yet another member of the ever-growing douchebag population.
** Cleaning up overflowing toilets is NOT what I signed up to do.
** The holiday season seems to bring out the inner asshole in all of us.
** Finding out your bedroom door does not actually lock anymore can be rather humiliating for a parent.
** My eyes really shouldn’t be trusted with nighttime driving responsibilities.
** I don’t care how amazing her voice is — a nun singing “Like a Virgin” is just freaking creepy.
** A rock would be able to reiterate the things I say better than my family on most days.
** It’s super fun when your kids lose their crap and blame YOU for “misplacing” it.
** If there were a job that required people to do nothing but bitch, a crazy long line of applicants would be ready to clock in.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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