** I’m not sure what’s disappearing faster around here — my money or our iPhone chargers.
** When one of your son’s best friends has pink eye, YOUR eyes immediately start to itch like a mofo.
** The stupidity of the human population never ceases to amaze/entertain me.
** There most definitely ARE stupid questions, and it’s usually stupid people asking them.
** The weather may be beginning to look a lot like Christmas, but nothing else is.
** If you’re not pissing SOMEONE off, you aren’t doing it right.
** I apparently have no shame when it comes to pumpkin bread.
** When seeking advice for embarrassing situations, it’s best to say you’re inquiring “for a friend.”
** Surprisingly, not everybody wants to hear about how many more miles you ran or how many more calories you burned than them.
** The timing of Movember and parent/teacher conferences is rather unfortunate for my porn star-looking husband in making a good first impression.
** When the inside of your nose feels like sandpaper, it’s time to bust out the ol’ humidifier.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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