** This time of the year makes me so very grateful for my beloved hot glue gun.
** I may steal the dog crate from the dog — it just looks so darn PRIVATE in there.
** Judging by his wardrobe choices, I’m pretty sure my son is colorblind.
** Kids are so sweet about coughing their germs all over your freaking face.
** If you can remember if you brushed your teeth & put on deodorant today, you’re a better person than me.
** Sometimes it’s best to not to make eye contact. Especially at the grocery store. And especially if you can’t remember if you brushed your teeth or put on deodorant.
** Brown paint under your fingernails looks like poop. You’re welcome.
** Not a day goes by where I don’t find an empty container in the pantry.
** So many of my best jokes are lost on my children.
** The purpose of mathematical word problems is clearly to make you feel like an idiot.
** Some people really need to stop being so damn fabulous.
** My superpowers have left the building.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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