Things I’ve Learned This Week


** This time of the year makes me so very grateful for my beloved hot glue gun.

** I may steal the dog crate from the dog — it just looks so darn PRIVATE in there.

** Judging by his wardrobe choices, I’m pretty sure my son is colorblind.

** Kids are so sweet about coughing their germs all over your freaking face.

** If you can remember if you brushed your teeth & put on deodorant today, you’re a better person than me.

** Sometimes it’s best to not to make eye contact.  Especially at the grocery store.  And especially if you can’t remember if you brushed your teeth or put on deodorant.

** Brown paint under your fingernails looks like poop.  You’re welcome.

** Not a day goes by where I don’t find an empty container in the pantry.

** So many of my best jokes are lost on my children.

** The purpose of mathematical word problems is clearly to make you feel like an idiot.

** Some people really need to stop being so damn fabulous.

** My superpowers have left the building.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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