Things I’ve Learned This Week


** I’m being stalked by a grasshopper.

** Amusement parks are where manners go to die and germs go to thrive.

** Sleeping with the windows open is awesome.  Unless your neighbor’s dog sounds like a dying coyote.

** “Not Dishwasher Safe” is apparently a warning rather than a suggestion.

** Carrying on a deep conversation while having a bikini wax is quite the challenge.

** I totally think I need a Roomba.

** There’s a reason why cheap dog poop bags are so cheap.

** If I didn’t go to the grocery store EVERY FLIPPING DAY, the cashiers would start to look for me.

** The hospital is no place for healthy people.

** When your kids throw out the “I’m bored” card, it’s time to play the “Let’s clean toilets” card.

** I enjoy talking to myself cause I’m the only one who seems to listen to me.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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