** It’s evidently mating season for a-holes.
** If I never go to the U.S. Post Office again, it’ll be too soon.
** Summer needs to just tap the brakes.
** Rip Van Winkle’s got nothing on my husband.
** Appliances tend to break down in multiples.
** My pantry can’t seem to keep up with my kids.
** It should probably surprise me to find half a cheeseburger in the back seat of my car.
** But, sadly, it doesn’t.
** I wish I enjoyed my children’s farts as much as they do.
** People who start countdowns to Christmas in July can bite me.
** Being stuck in a group text vortex is like being cornered by a pack of wolves.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.