Things I’ve Learned This Week

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** It’s evidently mating season for a-holes.

** If I never go to the U.S. Post Office again, it’ll be too soon.

** Summer needs to just tap the brakes.

** Rip Van Winkle’s got nothing on my husband.

** Appliances tend to break down in multiples.

** My pantry can’t seem to keep up with my kids.

** It should probably surprise me to find half a cheeseburger in the back seat of my car.

** But, sadly, it doesn’t.

** I wish I enjoyed my children’s farts as much as they do.

** People who start countdowns to Christmas in July can bite me.

** Being stuck in a group text vortex is like being cornered by a pack of wolves.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

 

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