** Goatdog likes wine, which makes total sense since he is my dog.
** If it’s not written down, it’s not getting done.
** It’s obviously some kind of rule that kid puke must be projectile and occur at an ungodly hour of the night.
** Contrary to popular opinion, spandex is NOT for everyone.
** You might wanna reconsider all those selfies if your facial expressions make you look like a serial killer.
** Spring is taking entirely too long to show up to the party.
** Getting a card in the mail is like finding a dollar bill in the dryer.
** Repair men ALWAYS ask to use your bathroom. (And it’s usually to take a dump.)
** A broken dishwasher means it’s pizza delivery night.
** The importance of the breath mint is severely underrated.
** My couch just really, really GETS me.
** The kitchen counter is, allegedly, where dirty socks hang out.
** Kids take GROSS to a whole other level.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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