The Grocery Store: Gathering Place for Jackholes


Going to the grocery store is definitely not my idea of a good time.  Sure it’s nice when your kids are FINALLY old enough that you don’t have to drag them with you every time you need to run out for a loaf of bread.  A few minutes of alone time can do wonders for the sanity.  However, a quick trip to the store can very easily turn the happiest of people into total scrooges.  Because let’s face it, no matter what time of the day or night you happen to go, you’re destined to run into some a-hole who’s completely clueless to the world going on around him.

It never fails that when I’m in a serious hurry (which is unfortunately most of the time), I always seem to end up in the aisle where Mr. and Mrs. Turtle are taking their sweet old time trying to decide which product they may or may not want to buy.  Their cart is parked smack dab in the middle of the walkway (naturally), and they don’t seem to have the slightest concern that not even the skinniest of bodies could squeeze around them. Their human barricade leaves me no choice but to back up and WALK ALL THE WAY AROUND THE STORE TO ENTER THE AISLE FROM THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.  Which is not at all annoying or anything.

Then, when I am finally able to race over to the checkout lanes, I inevitably end up in the one where somebody needs a price check that sends the poor cashier away for what seems like ALL OF ETERNITY.  Meanwhile, I’m left standing there juggling all my items which are about to break my arms, since the person ahead of me never thought to put up the divider on the conveyor belt.  And sure enough, this problematic shopper then ends up paying by check, which takes her approximately FIFTEEN YEARS to fill out.

All this “fun” is typically capped off by the lazy bones who couldn’t possibly walk five measly feet to the cart return and, instead, abandons his cart DIRECTLY BEHIND MY PARKING SPACE.  But the REAL icing on the cake is when a strong wind then blows said cart RIGHT INTO THE BACK OF MY CAR.  And that’s when I march right back into the store, buy another bottle of much-needed vino, and question why the heck I don’t use a grocery delivery service….



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4 Responses to The Grocery Store: Gathering Place for Jackholes

  1. Kat says:

    My nerves get pretty frayed in the grocery store too so I try hard to go during the “off” times when I can. I refuse to detour for those blocking the aisle. I just stand there and call out “excuse me!”

  2. Susan B says:

    I’m so over being invisible at the grocery store. Now if someone is in the way and pretending (or not) to be oblivious to my presence for more than 10 seconds…i just reach over and push their cart out of my way. These are clearly the same people who don’t change the toilet roll and also let their lunch leftovers rot in the office refrigerator. The Jerk Store called….

  3. May I suggest you give yourself a well-earned break and come to sunny Malta in the Mediterranean? Not only will you love this little island, it will also send you back to the U.S. with a newfound appreciation for your supermarket experience there as it just can’t be as bad as it is here! As a Brit who’s lived here for almost 9 years, I still have to sit in my car and do deep breathing exercises in the carpark beforehand in order to psyche myself up for the hell aka shopping in a Maltese grocery store. It would take too long to describe the whole process involved but let’s just say that the total absence of an awareness of other peoples’ body space plays a huge part in the stress of it all. I routinely get almost knocked sideways by other peoples’ bags because they just shove into you as they walk past, the trolley in the aisle thing is standard and we have narrow aisles here to begin with and don’t even get me started on the trying to check out thing. People push past you and don’t ask if they can jump the queue; they just jump the queue! And the cashier allows it to happen. Then when you finally go through check out, you barely get a chance to put your shopping in the bags before the customer behind you already starts going through before you’ve finished your transaction! What can I say? Welcome to the Med.

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