Goatdog and the Pizza Guy Incident


Most of you know by now that our Goatdog is one crazy son of a bitch (literally — cause, you know, he’s a DOG).  He’s body-slammed himself through a glass door, eaten my kitchen chairs, and taken a giant dump right in the middle of a dinner party.  And he absolutely loses his mind if a strange man is on our front porch (i.e. the UPS man, etc.). But surprisingly, I still love him to pieces for some strange reason.  I mean, just look at that face!!!!  The guy is certainly not short on personality, that’s for sure.  And, just like “the incident” this past weekend, he never fails to give me new writing material.

So it was Saturday night, and I’d ordered pizza for the kids and their buddies since my husband and I were going out for dinner.  Our house was a regular three-ring circus with us trying to get out the door in time for our reservation once the sitter arrived. Somehow, I’d managed to bribe my son and his friend into walking the dog around the block so that I could wait for the pizza.

The boys were just rounding the corner as I was paying the pizza guy, and that’s when Goatdog went BONKERS at the sight of this stranger on our front porch.  He started barking his head off and dragging my poor son through the snow-covered yards as he desperately tried to pull back on the leash.  The maniac dog, however, was on a mission, making a beeline straight for the pizza dude.  I screamed in horror as the dumb ass went right up to the man and bit him on the hand.  TWICE!!!

Luckily, it was more of a teeth poke than an actual bite, and no skin was broken and no blood drawn (thank you, sweet baby Jesus). Like a Corleone, he was just trying to send a message.  But it was still nothing short of MORTIFYING!  The pizza guy wasn’t even half as freaked out as I was about the situation and, dare I say, even eerily calm.  I apologized up and down and all around as he slowly made his way back to his car, while thinking to myself that we would surely be slapped with a lawsuit of some kind or another.  So far, we seem to be in the clear, but I can’t help but think I probably should’ve tipped the guy more….




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