** The noise in my house is often so LOUD that I could walk out and nobody would even notice.
** It would be AWESOME to still get care packages every now and then like we did in college.
** People are really “creative” with their parking jobs this winter. (And by “creative” I mean assholes.)
** My son’s handwriting takes chicken scratch to a whole other level.
** Going to the dentist with chapped lips is like CHINESE FREAKING WATER TORTURE.
** We’d all hate each other a little less if the world was more “What can I do for you?” instead of “What can you do for me?”
** The most problematic checkout lane at the grocery store is the one that I ALWAYS seem to pick.
** It must be mating season for idiots cause they are everywhere these days.
** Every night I go to bed and think of at least fifteen different things I forgot to do.
** We have become a family of Skinny Pop whores.
** A preheated oven sounds like the perfect place to take a nap.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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