** Trying to get my kids to organize their rooms is like trying to get a dog to scoop his own poop.
** I wish somebody would jump to make me dinner whenever I say I’m hungry.
** Every time I go in for a waxing, I wanna scream, “Kelly Clarkson!!!” a la Steve Carell.
** Farting during gym class evidently makes my son proud.
** Boys are so easily amused.
** If my true love gives me a damn partridge in a pear tree, we are gonna have to have a serious talk about gift-giving.
** My brain seems to have once again taken a vacation WITHOUT me.
** Hibernation doesn’t seem like too bad of an idea right about now.
** Sadly, one of my celebrity “hall passes” has gone to meet his maker. RIP, Mr. Super-fine PAUL WALKER. :(
** When having a bad day, flipping on any VH1 reality show will instantly lift your spirits.
** We really need to quit glamorizing all the “skinny body after baby” photos once and for all.
** I fell in LOVE with battery-powered Christmas lights. Until I realized how many batteries they suck dry.
** It’s best just to not ask questions when you hear “Fire in the hole!!!” coming out of the bathroom.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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