** The mayor of Toronto is a walking Saturday Night Live skit.
** Accidentally leaving bags in the bottom of your grocery cart really really sucks, especially during a tornado warning.
** According to what my daughter told her friend, she’s running a Turkey “Twat” next week. Awesome.
** I swear, my kids’ bathroom is a science experiment waiting to happen.
** It would be a REALLY nice change of pace if I didn’t get asked to donate to this or to that every freaking time I check out of a store.
** Supervising homework sans wine is a true test of one’s patience.
** My son’s favorite outfit is his birthday suit.
** I’m not sure who annoys me more during the day — the barking dog or the telemarketers.
** I find myself quoting Doug Heffernan A LOT lately.
** You know you’re in trouble when you’re consistently ready for bed before your kids are.
** John Mayer was wrong — MY PURSE is the real wonderland.
** My short people go through more cups during the day than a keg party at a frat house.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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