** I might very well be the most unorganized person on the earth.
** Bite-sized candies can kiss (but not stick to) my ass.
** The only person who hates homework more than my son is me.
** Kids can go from Sweetheart to Demon in zero point two seconds.
** For the life of me, I’ll never understand what my children have against flushing the damn toilet.
** Insomnia is like a pimple that pops up at the absolute worst possible time.
** Not even Red Bull could give me wings lately.
** Contrary to popular opinion, a school zone sign does NOT mean to drive like you’re in the Indy 500.
** I kinda want to be a professional photobomber when I grow up.
** The skunks are trying to outnumber the people in our neighborhood.
** Haunted houses apparently don’t scare me anymore. (Maybe it’s because I’ve seen scarier things in my kids’ bathroom.)
** Sitting next to the grill at a Japanese steakhouse makes me feel a little too much like Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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