** It’s too bad “Dexter” didn’t have an alternative ending to make up for the super sucky one they showed us last Sunday night.
** I keep waving the white flag, but nobody seems to notice.
** When you look like HELL and go out in public, that’s precisely when you’ll see everybody you know.
** I REALLY needed to win the Powerball in order to buy all the cute Fall boots I want.
** The crockpot needs to come out of summer hibernation.
** Apparently, you have Gym homework in fifth grade. (I know, WTF?, right?)
** If I already feel like an old lady with the creaky bones and joints, I can’t wait to see what I feel like when I’m REALLY an old lady.
** Just because they’re IN the shower doesn’t mean that they’re showering.
** Drying my crazy thick hair is more of a workout than working out.
** I’m jealous of the dog and all his napping. Until I remember that he has to poop in the backyard.
** The whole world is actually NOT made up of idiots — HALLELUJAH!
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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