** I could open a wig shop with all the hair in the drain.
** The cooler weather’s giving me that “Holy-Crap-My-Twins-Have-No-Pants-That-Fit-Them” feeling.
** Every now and again, you’ve gotta call the Grammar Police on YOURSELF.
** I am without a doubt more excited than my kids on no homework nights.
** When both football AND soccer practice get cancelled, you realize that maybe Mama Nature’s not such a bitch after all.
** Miley’s tongue and that damn foam finger are apparently NEVER going away.
** Not only am I not smarter than a 5th grader, but turns out that I’m also not stronger than a 5th grader.
** Boys sure do love to be naked.
** It’s totally acceptable to be watching “Magic Mike” while your daughter’s upstairs watching a Disney movie with her friend. (Am I right or am I right?!)
** I fully expect our whole house to be enclosed in a giant spider web one of these days.
** Hoda Kotb continues to make me love her more and more.
** If you can’t kill them with kindness, confuse the hell out of ’em instead.
** A day without laughing is like a meal without wine. (Oh, wait…is that just me?)
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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