** Mother’s Day should really be Mother’s Weekend.
** My brain is on MAJOR end-of-the-school-year overload.
** Warm weather just makes ya wanna eat ice cream. (Or is that just me?)
** Some people should really reconsider making sex tapes.
** When someone sits down next to me at the beach & smokes in MY space, it makes me wanna get up & go over & fart in THEIR space.
** I could really use Morgan Freeman to lull my kids to sleep at bedtime.
** Birds purposely wait to take a shit until AFTER I’ve gone to the car wash.
** The world would be so much better off if we never had to see another picture of a pregnant Kim Kardashian in her damn bikini again.
** Rainy days and morons always get me down.
** Sometimes public castration seems to be the only reasonable punishment.
** I need a chauffeur. And a maid. And a chef. And a winning lottery ticket.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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