If It SMELLS Like Poo, It Probably IS Poo


Goatdog continues to amaze me with the ridiculously crazy things he chooses to eat. Lately, he’s munched on everything from aluminum foil to snotty Kleenex’s.  The more disgusting the item, the more appetizing it is to him.  And the biggest lesson we’ve repeatedly learned from his bizarre eating habits is that if it smells like the dog stuck his head in the toilet, there’s a 99.9% chance that the dog has, in fact, stuck his head in the toilet.

Our most embarrassing experience with his toilet snacking tendencies involved an impromptu visit from a neighbor.  Upon entering the foyer of our home, she was immediately greeted with big, wet, slobbery dog kisses.  I mean, the dog’s beard was literally dripping with water.  I apologized up and down and explained that Goatdog is a very messy water drinker, as I shooed him away from her. However, she insisted that she loved dogs and knelt down to his level, whereby he proceeded to give her a complete facial with his tongue.

We laughed and laughed and said how funny it was that she was now covered with dog spit as she bid me ado.  But my giggly mood soon changed into sheer horror when I closed the door and saw the brown clumps of wet toilet paper strewn throughout the house.  It turned out that my son had ONCE AGAIN forgotten to flush, and ol’ Goatdog had evidently helped himself to a little “afternoon snack“.  Revolting, I know.  I was totally and completely mortified (not to mention grossed out).

In fact, I was so embarrassed that I never actually had the guts to tell my neighbor the truth about the situation.  I figured that she really didn’t need to know where Goatdog’s tongue had been prior to it cleaning her entire freaking face.  Cause God knows, I sure wouldn’t want to know about it after the fact.  It’s true, ya know — sometimes ignorance really IS bliss, isn’t it?


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10 Responses to If It SMELLS Like Poo, It Probably IS Poo

  1. You were absolutely right in NOT telling her. Would YOU want to know? I sure wouldn’t. I once was changing my son’s diaper on the living room floor and when I went to grab the dirty one, couldn’t find it anywhere. The next morning, pieces of it were all over the yard as our lab pooped it out. I’m about to gag just thinking about it!!

  2. Our dog is the same way. He gets into the cat’s litter box (shudder!). But what I find interesting is that he draws the line at bananas. Apparently, they are too disgusting for words. We peel one and he even runs and hides!

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      That is so funny — Goatdog doesn’t like bananas either! He’ll chow down on poo, but he won’t touch a banana! So weird!

  3. Dolli says:

    Hope your neighbor doesn’t follow your blog 🙂

  4. Ally says:

    Despite just throwing up in my mouth a little bit, I agree, ignorance is definitely bliss in this case!

  5. Vanessa says:

    My mom has an Airedale that likes to load her beard full of water and then use any available crotch as a towel. Sometimes she comes around for a double wipe at the back too.

    I have a dog and no matter how much I love him – he ain’t licking my face. He regularly snacks from the cat box.

  6. Kat says:

    I agree with Dolli, I hope that the neighbor doesn’t read your blog. I have to admit that I snorted with laughter at this though. Other people’s embarassment is always funnier than your own

  7. Marta says:

    Eww and yes good call on not telling her. Ignorance is definitely bliss in this situation!

  8. Sara Broers says:

    I can’t wait to read the post about the day your neighbor tells you that she reads your blog! You rock, girlfriend! Oh yeah, and Goatdog- I do think he is a normal dog!

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