** I most certainly did NOT inherit my mom’s hair-braiding skills.
** Apparently, Gap Kids sells husky-sized skinny jeans. Anybody else confused?
** Winter can kiss my lily-white patootie.
** However, the thought of the approaching swimsuit season scares the holy Thin Mints out of me.
** Dropping your iPhone into a pile of snow is never a good thing.
** I’m as good at following directions as I am at being on time.
** Stepping on an overripe banana feels eerily similar to stepping on an overripe turd.
** People post entirely too many pictures of their food online.
** Cereal. It’s what’s for dinner. Every. Freaking. Night. (Allegedly.)
** Fresh flowers can brighten up a whole entire room.
** A really nasty fart can clear a whole entire room.
** If you asked me how tired I am, I wouldn’t even have the energy to tell you.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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