** Shoveling snow by hand should be followed by a massage. And possibly a lobotomy.
** The past several days have been like tantric sex. Minus the sex part.
** If I ever need a good giggle, I turn to Taylor Swift and the goat.
** Trying to get into a pair of jeans after slathering with lotion is a really bad idea.
** Some people should just not drive in the snow. Or in any kind of weather.
** Mama needs a raise. A big, fat, gigantic one. (That’s what she said.)
** The book is ALWAYS better than the movie.
** Girl Scouts “Tagalongs” can kiss my ass since they’re the ones who are making it grow.
** A dinner date with four kids is like thumb wrestling an octopus.
** I don’t care if it’s the latest craze — bangs do NOT look good on everyone!
** Apparently, there’s no such thing as a “cheap flight” anymore.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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